Mrs_Goodbar28

Lyrics of a Soul
2008-12-27 08:02:52 (UTC)

Y R U So Paranoid?

I swear Kanye wrote that song for me. I must have some sort
of chemical imbalance that makes me always think something
is going wrong in my relationship! I'll be happy as a clam
for about five strong minutes, then I'll realize it's been
like an hour since I've talked to Wasalu and bam, I'm back
to feeling sad and neglected. And it's all b/c I hear all
these love songs on the radio and see other couples everyday
and try to formulate whut our relationship is supposed to
look like. Like today, I felt so lonely goin' thru the day
after Christmas sales and couldn't help thinking: he should
be here with me. I texted him in tha morning and I didn't
hear from him all day til I called him this afternoon. He
was asleep and had apparently been sleeping all day (since
he'd worked overnight on Christmas) but he didn't tell me
that initially. So I told him to go back to sleep and
figured he would rather sleep than talk to me. I cried of
course as I drove back to my dad's house with the gift I
bought him. I was wrapping it when he called an hour later.
He said he was awake b/c he'd been sleep and couldn't sleep
any more. He could tell I was upset so we talked and after
he explained whut happened (how he hadn't gotten to sleep
before his shift started the nite before), I felt really
silly. He asked me to come over and we caked for a few
hours. We watched "Friday Night Lights" and talked. I think
it was a return to whut made us work in the first place.
Afterward, he drove to work and let me use his car to go
home. We're goin' to spend some time together tomorrow,
doin' somethin' outside his room for a change. I want to
expose him to more things that I enjoy and that make me who
I am. But I think we'll be fine as long as we can work
things out like today. He told me he's worried about our
future and us going our separate ways. I hope we don't have
to break up. I can't imagine life without him now, or rather
I just don't want to. I really think I love him but I don't
want to be alone in saying it. And that's whut it really
boils down to. He asked me the other day if I loved him and
all I could say was "Sometimes I think I do." I miss him so
much sometimes, even after I just left him. It's only been
five months since we first met and I'm crazy about him. I
want him to tell me he loves me first so I can just say it
back. I need to know that someone can genuinely love me,
someone who isn't related or just a friend. Thas all that
was on my heart for now. . . thanks for listening. Hopefully
some of my paranoia will fade so I can enjoy our
relationship more. Now I'll go back to singing whut has
become my favorite latest Kanye song. Until next time: Live.
Laugh. Love.




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