Angeline Rose

Love of the Loveless.
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2008-12-14 08:16:00 (UTC)

This has been me for the past..

This has been me for the past 16 years.
These past 16 years have been me.
And so I'm sitting in my room, on my computer.
Living the life my father had dreaded.
He lives in the cracks of the darkness.
He lives in the isolation of his room.
His only means of human interaction,
is a portal on his lap.

And here I am.
With that same portal.
Located on the top of a rich wood desk.

I'm waiting for my birth.
I'm dying and dying, and I've died again.
Accepting it isn't a good one.
Neither is being fearless.

But sometimes we have to take that deep plunge into the blue.
I've been wading in the water too long.
I've been through the hard parts.
I've been suffocating in myself.
The fold, the cracks, the creases, the bends.
All of those little paths in my mind that I travel,
has left me with a fever of 203.

So like I said, I'm sick.
I don't want to be alive,
but I have not yet lived.

You all destroyed me,
neglected me. Broken me down.

I am not an independent piece of matter.
I suck at your fingertips.
I bite at your nails.
I am who I make you.
And you all left, and I left too.
And I am no one.

There are people I know I can't lean on anymore.
Depends on. Trust.
The ones closest to me, have strayed farther and farther away.
And darling dears, you make me sick.
I put my life into your beautiful piece of artwork.

Maybe its the lack of human love.
And the abuse of mine.

I give and give.
And everyone but me can take.

And when I do,
it's not right.
I'm doing it wrong.
I am balancing the world on my shoulders.
Just so I can make everyone happy.

I love you.
I tell all of you that.
I love you.

And you forget that my friendship has been taken as humanly
as possible.

Humans are disgusting now.
I don't like looking at you people.
You are all making me sick.

But not everyone is so artificial, superficial.
Some are genuine, some are true. Pure gold.

I have yet to cry in your arms.
Darling dears, I have yet to cry in your arms.

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