I'm Pretty Certain our IT Guy wants me Dead
one of the facts of working for a corporation is taht you
come in contact with a lot of different...um, shall we
say...personalities. the one thing that i have found most
frightening, is how true these personalities are to the
stereotypes i've watched on tv and read in comics. i'm
always creeped out by the wya people in my office make fun
of the office, you know...post shrute bucks and stanley
nickels all over the place. but a testatment as to just how
accurate taht show is happened a few days before the
"microwave" airing. the one where pam leaves a note to
whoever leaves the microwave all dirty after use...well the
EXACT same thing happened a few days earlier between these
two women in accounting. there was a big hullabaloo. i
wonder how they felt after that show...i know they watch it.
but defintiely the most perfect sterotype is that of the IT
guy. i got most of my stereotypes about them from dilbert.
how they think and act like they are god. for christ's
sake, dilbert nailed our IT guy right down to freakin'
hawaiian shirt and sandals!!!!
our IT guy is your typical impatient, condescending, thinks
he's god asshole. he has NO social skills whatsoever. and
for christ's sake, don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, question his judgment on someting computer related.
about a month ago there was a forced upgrade to office 2007.
apparently too many morons in 2007 weren't doing backwards
compatible files so half the office couldn't read what the
other half was sending them.
well, my computer had 500 mb of ram. i think anyone who
knows just a slight bit about computers, will know that
office 2007 cannot run on a system with only 500 mb of ram.
yet, no matter how much i pleaded with our IT department
(speicifcally that guy), all i got in return was, "boost
your virtual memory." finally i got him so frustrated that
he descended on his cloud of condescenion to my desk.
"GOSH, don't you know how to boost your virtual mem?"
now first of all, the guy's "gosh" is EXACTLY like napoleon
dynamite's. it is his substitue for swearing. so he
started slamming the keys on my keyboard really hard and
angrily to get to the virtual memory setup; sure enough i
had it as high as it would go.
"GOSH! OKAY! FINE! MR. BIG SHOT, i give you more ram."
he has this odd way of trying to act like he's jesting with
you...but i'm pretty sure there's nothing but pure white
hatred underneath it. what's worse was, i had an im up that
was talking to the deaf guy that i work with. in it i made
fun of the IT guy...well not him, the department. i said,
verbatim, "the only thing slower than my computer is the IT
not horrible, but the IT guy obviously took offense. he
glared at me and said, in waht seemed like an unduly
threatening manner, "i got your ram right here."
anyhow, over the past couple of weeks i've tried to get a
remote desktop thing going wherei can work from home and not
have to come to work. setting that shit up is harder than
anything i've done. what's worse. i'm at the comoplete
mercy of the IT guy.
after staring at the 250 different options on a screen that
looked like an early 1990s DOS prompt i finally gave in and
"you done your VPN request numbah yet?"
"what? what's that."
HUGE SIGH, followed by,
"GOSH, i mean, if you can't do it from the start what am i
gonna help you with? huh? things don't get done if you
don't even try!"
i was gritting my teeth, i just wanted to punch him in the face,
"how would i get my VPN number."
there was silence on the other line,
"you should just know it."
he seriously said that to me and then hung up. so i went to
our supervisor who was perplexed.
"what? why are you doing that? he's supposed to give taht
josh is the guy who coordinates the legal department with
the rest of the company.
i went to josh. who told me that he tried to do it for me
but the IT guy said taht i had to personally do it myself.
i guess you can see where this was going, he wanted me in a
sphere where i was entirely dependent on him...evil evil.
so i had to play his game.
finally he the IT guy rattled of a 16 digit number that was
my VPN number. seriously? i was just supposed to KNOW that?
anyways, IT guys are straight bastards. i battled my guy
for half an hour to set up my remote connection. but it's
worth it, at least now i don't have to take the bus to work
every day of the week!