Aa-chan

Diary of a Deranged Fangirl
2008-11-26 23:13:37 (UTC)

Scare Tactics...

Been a long time hasn't it my-diary.org? But I only save
the best stuff for you.

So... Here were are again. At the same place where I was
14 years ago. I think I'm pregnant. Well, I may not be,
but I'm almost 100%, well more like 80% certain I am. I'm
late, but I'm always usually late, but there's more. I have
that same nauseous feeling and smells, be they good or bad,
have me keeling over (Not barfing yet however; but if I am
that will be going around soon). I'm exhausted all the time
now (I fell asleep writing this). And here's something new
and fun, I'm having dizzy spells now. Yeah, good times man,
good times.

I don't know how I feel about the prospect of being
pregnant. Jose and I are dating and have been dating for
nine months (Ironic number), but to go from dating to
diapers... That's a bit hardcore.

And I had "the talk" with Jose last night. Which was really
hard for me because I'm such a chicken. I don't want to
interrupt our happy cozy ideal fantasy world with blinding
harsh cruel reality. But he was ok with it. Unless it's
something you're trying for what else can you do but be ok
with it.

Actually he was better then I was about it. I was a
blubbering mess (coupled with all the bull shit going on at
work yesterday) when I told him I thought I may be pregnant.
At first he was like, zuh? Then he kinda lightened up and
started asking me what did I want to do? And I told him
that if I was I wanted have the baby. Look y'all, I'm not a
ditzy kid anymore. I'm 30 years old and getting to the
point of needing to either shit or get off the pot. My body
isn't getting any younger, so its like now or never.

But then he was very sweet and supportive. He was touching
my stomach in that cute expectant father kind of way and
then he said sounding kinda pleased, "If you are pregnant, I
hope it's a girl, cause I've always wanted a little girl."
Actually if I am going to have a baby, I do hope I have a
daughter. So the deranged fangirl heritage can live on.

Then he tells me later on that, "If we do have a daughter,
she's going to be spoiled." Uh, I don't do the spoiled
thing. Especially with girls, that starts up a whole life
long thing that can get really ugly really quickly.

So I'm glad to see he wouldn't be mad or leaving me (that's
always a plus). But I still need to take a pregnancy test
before we go breaking out the pacifiers. I am going with my
friend to buy a pregnancy test and I'll take it over her
house. So we'll see how it goes...

Honestly, I don't know what to root for.....




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