nin137

Nick's Journal
2008-11-13 03:36:57 (UTC)

Fuck it, I'm doing it for the money

few people in law school will admit that they are in it for
the money. it's just downright tacky to be so realistic in
a predominantly idealistic environment. but i've gotten to
the point where i will readily admit that money is a big draw.

now that's not to say that i'm in this purely for the money.
in fact, i can still safely say that i am primarily in it
for my love of the law and what it entails. i love our
legal system and will defend it to my death (or disbarment).
but lately i've noticed that life is fucking hard without
money.

you see i've had the misfortune of having two very
depressing situations imposed on me almost weekly. the
first is the bankruptcy clinic. currently i am representing
to debtors. the first is a woman with well over $100K in
medical costs (cancer). one thing i've come to see through
this clinic is that medicare/caid won't cover for shit if
they can find any avenue out of doing so. she's one of
those people who doesn't qualify and can barely scrape by.
she told me that she gets physically ill when she gets the
mail every day, for the fear of the bills awaiting her.
as medical costs are her primary concern you can imagine
that the rest of her life is heavily financed. she receives
almost daily calls from debt collectors. i'm talking about
those fascist "entrepreneurs" with slicked back hair who buy
her debt 10 cents on the dollar and then act like royal
assholes to get their money.

the other debtor is a 75 year old man with substantial
medical and credit card debt. i just wonder...how does
someone end up being 75 and in his position? it just makes
me so sad...he should be relaxing somewhere in his
retirement age, instead he seriously asked me if i knew
someone who would hire him so that he could make some money
to pay off his enormous debt.

barack and mccain would have salivated over these two
people. i just feel such enormous sadness because of them.
i am getting a lot of medical bills in the mail because of
my fractured thumb. it's amazing how they pile up. and i
also get a sick feeling thinking of my debt (law school and
medical). and i'm a supremely lucky person. i will
(hpefully) have a well-aying job soon, i'm young, juli and i
have supportive families who i know would help us out were
it ever to get to that point. and i still feel worry.

so i take my feeling of fear seeing the bills and i think of
these people. these two people who have no family and
hardly any prospect. with debt piling up and little to no
way out. and it's just horrible.

the other depressing story is even worse in my opinion.
it's that damn girl and her mother on the bus. i wrote
about them before. there's this homeless mother and
daughter that rides the 9 o'clock bus. i take that night
bus after my last class (another sign of my sad existence, i
get out of class at 8:45 at night). i am probably the only
lucid person on that bus other than these two. aside from
them and me it is littered with homeless people. ranting,
raving homeless people. since the times have gone downhill
this bus has noticeably gotten more packed. not only that,
but the normally listless bums have gotten much more aggressive.

to the point where this past night there were some fighting
each other. yelling and screaming. as much as i try
avoiding them i always end up sitting around the mother and
daughter. the daughter (who i'm pretty sure is 10 or
thereabouts) has this stuffed horse that she normally has
stuffed in the back of her backpack (with the head peeking
out at me).
that night she had it in front of her, cradled up against
her chest, hunched over it, eyes wide as she watched the
fighting, rocking back and forth. the mother gently pulled
her back and had her lay against her and began stroking her
head, whispering some words of assurance to her.
then the daughter said something that just made me feel awful,
"do you think we'll get some food this time?"

all the while the stuffed horse stared at me with its large
button eyes.