Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2008-11-09 18:44:24 (UTC)

Going on a Date.

I haven't written in awhile and so i decided maybe i should
considering I'm not doing anything productive at the moment.

When I last wrote, I felt on top of the world. I was where I
wanted to be... DETERMINED. I still feel that now, however
I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. Actually, I don't
think I want to talk about that or else I'll get in a
depressing mood... next subject.

I need to update you on what happened within the past 3
weeks that i haven't written in here. I was at school one
evening and i stayed on the college side of campus. In the
back of my mind I knew that I shouldn't be there, but I had
to because I was meeting up with a friend of mine. So I got
a call from my friend saying he was going to eat lunch with
his friends and that he'll call once he was done. I decided
that I should eat as well, so I did. Once I was done, I went
into the building where I USE to stay and found a spot to
kill time. Do you not know, my EX FOUND ME! He said he saw
me walking and I guess he was trying to find me for the past
15 mins?

That's not what upset me, what upset me was that as soon as
he came, he said hello, how are you and sat down next to me.
THEN he started drilling me with questions about the break
up?!!!! LMFAO!!! omg! Can he BE anymore IMMATURE! And I
said to him, "are we still there?!" I was a complete bitch
after that. I only responded in a few words, I didn't make
eye contact and I hardly laughed.

1) he totally caught me off guard. 2) I haven't spoken to
him 3 weeks prior to that and when we do see each other he
drills me with questions?!

No fuckin way...

Anyways, when he left he came back from the same way he
came. My first assumption was that he was trying to find me.
If he stayed there to study, he would have gone on the other
end of the building, but he didn't. I haven't spoken to him
since and I probably won't.

More update..

2 weeks ago I decided to give a dating website a try. I
KNOW, I KNOW.. i said i wouldn't do it again but i was
curious. 3 of my girlfriends have tried it and they found a
fiance, a boyfriend and a male friend :) So really, I
could meet one of the three and so I did it. I stayed on
for 7 days and I give myself a pat on the back for actually
staying on for 7days! haha.

This time around I was extremely picky and I let myself be
picky because I wasn't looking for anything. A few guys
caught my eye, but only one of them was interesting enough
for me talk to for about a week now. On paper he is what I
want, but seeing as how i've been so cold hearted lately i'm
hoping this time i will get butterflies in my stomach, that
chemistry feeling, that 'i want to know everything there is
to know about you' feeling, that 'i want you to meet
everyone important in my life' feeling, that 'let me be my
silly self and love me for that' feeling (I'll stop here,

I want a good relationship.

I want a relationship where we can argue and deal with it
without running away. One where I can be my nerdy 'science
reading' self and not feel ashamed.

The past few days I've been falling for him and I'm trying
my best to stop myself. This is so dangerous. I could get
emotionally hurt really bad. But, i've been threw it many
times, i'll be fine.

I haven't told my friends about him, because... well... why?
I don't think I have a valid reason other then I'm not too
sure I want to tell my friends about a guy who is probably a
complete jerk and then get questioned about why I felt the
need to join a dating site.

This guy tells me everyday how he thinks i'm great and how
he couldn't believe i wasn't taken or questions me about why
I was on that dating site as well.

I'm quite flattered :)

I think i'm going to tidy my room/space before I head out.

Good-Bye :)