Torrance the Vamp

The Vamp's Mind
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2008-10-31 04:49:53 (UTC)

Note While Waiting for Physics Quiz Section

so I wrote this note while waiting for Physics quiz
section.


Hey Ryan,

"I bet you were expecting snail mail form me sooner. Well
I've been debating whether to send you any in the first
place. because usually, at least last summer, I'd write to
you about how much I miss you and what we should do when
you come back and whatever is on my head at the time or
just something completely random. But I'm not sure what to
write about to you anymore. I'm not sure what I'm allowed
to say to you anymore. I'm still under the impression that
I'm losing you. Amanda has been having it rough, I don't
know if she's told you anything. But I've been mainly
occupied by that. Amanda is my friend I think you've been
demoted to an acquaintance. Friends listen to you talk
about how stuff makes you feel and helps you deal with
stuff and hang out with you and talk to you and you do the
same for them. Acquaintances, you hang out with, in the
end you know nothing about them. When you fight with
someone you run to friends, not to acquaintances. I think
we used to be friends, from my side anyway. The female
definition. I think we're acquaintances now. Those are
hard to keep when there is little communication and no
hanging out. Friends don't hurt each other. We've been
dysfunctional friends. You're different now. I think I'm
the same. Amanda is changing, but the friendship stuff is
still there. She's not a close friend though. I don't have
any....

"I almost said anymore, but I'm not sure if you were. Like
you said, it takes two. but I think there was 3. It didn't
like that so it crashed. This would be a perfect ending.
But I'm comforted thinking you'll still be there.... if
you don't change too much....


"I see something that reminds me of you everywhere(darn
those green rei backpacks)

"I swear I see doug sometimes.


"What I'd give to go back."


Then I folded the note up in a square thing. On the back I
wrote "I'd love to be emo and burn this *contemplates
mailing it* Snail mail should be happy...so no."

Let me tell you about the postcard unsent.

It's addressed, stampless, written after our fight and
before you'd suggested a final talk.

I didn't want to show it to you.

"The Postcard Unsent"

It sits in my memory
For I am nowhere near it now
The postcard I would send to you
If we were friends right now

I hoped you would like it
And be happy when you got it
But what it would've said is gone
Because our friendship is done

I pushed you away with the games I play
And I cried because I didn't know if I lied
Maybe I should've tried

Is there hope?
I hope it's true
I would take back all the things I said to you
And try to start anew

I think I loved you
I just wanted to be sure
That you knew
How I was insecure

And who I really am
And what I really am
And where I really am
In reference to you

Perhaps this will go on the postcard unsent
Perhaps you will find peace in the end
Perhaps everything will be alright
Others and I care for you tonight

- Laura


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