Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
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2008-09-20 19:59:42 (UTC)

Post Break-Up

We all deal with break-ups differently then the person next
to us.

I refuse to have anything that reminds me of that person,
laying around in my room. If it were photos, stuffed bears,
little gifts.. in the garbage! I don't want it anymore. I'm
moving on...

This break-up is really differently for me and I don't know
why that is. Maybe because this time around I was actually
doing the heart breaking? Or I was confident in what I
wanted? Or simply, I just didn't want anything to do with
him anymore.

I think the last point was right on the money.

I'm talking to an italian guy for the past 3 weeks, but this
scenario is different then with the other person. I actually
told this guy about my ex boyfriend and I. Well, I wasn't
100% honest with him, but at least I said something to him.

One evening while I was getting comfortable in my covers I
received a text msg. It was from him and he asked me 'can i
have you'. I thought it was really cute. But I also thought
that maybe I should tell him about my boyfriend.

I told him that I have to still settle things with my ex
(that was a lie because we weren't broken up yet) and that I
couldn't be with anyone until it was over and done with. I
told him that I didn't want him to think of this a way of
cutting him out, I wanted to still get a chance to know him.

He didn't respond that night.

But he responded in the morning saying, "what is there to
settle? he's your ex. but if you two decide to out things
out, then i'll let you be"

I texted him back telling him that I will not be getting
back with him. I do not want to work things out with him. I
just want him to leave me alone so I can move on with my life.

Then well, he responded like a guy and said 'well tell him
to fuck off so i can have my girl'


Anyways, I told him my boyfriend and I decided to stay
friends (which is a lie). My boyfriend still wants me back
and he doesn't know that. He doesn't know that my boyfriend
is having such a hard time accepting it and that my
boyfriend feels helpless without me.

I deleted my facebook the night I told my ex-bf to give me
some space. Because I knew he was going to search for the
guy I met at the guy. He also questioned me about my
disabled wall and photos.

My friends thought it was stupid of me to do such thing. I
think it had to be done because I know how my ex thinks.

Moving on with this Italian Boy...
I feel like I'm holding myself back from liking him or it's
probably because I just got out of a relationship? Nah, my
heart left the relationship late June. I'm ready to move on!

We had an amazing conversation last night that went on from
12am to 6am! I think we was really amazed that we spoke for
so long. But near the end all we wanted to do was just talk
so more! I think he's slowly letting himself open up to me.
I hope so, because he seems like a decent 24 year old!

Gosh, what a change in men. I went from an 19 year old to a
24 year old and it feels great!

The only thing Italian knows about my ex is that he was
young, always wanted to make out and that I hardly saw him.

What stood out the most last night was when he told me he
was done the partying stage! Oh my, I wanted to hug him!
Also, he told me in 3 years he would like to settle down and
buy a home. WOW! What a fuckin' difference. This is all what
I was telling my ex-boyfriend.

Whatever, I can't get myself worked out on Italian because
anything can still happen. Which I hope it's nothing bad.

The only problem I have right now is my friends. They don't
know my boyfriend and I ended it a week ago and now I'm
talking to another guy. I need to tell Italian that we have
to wait another few weeks before we can actually hook up. I
should really ask him how he feels about us dating when I
just got out of a relationship... wait we did kind of talk
about it. He said that he hopes I'm not his rebound ( lol)
and that he knew I didn't want to be with my ex (which was
completely completely true!).

I needed to get these thoughts off my chest and I did :)

All I'm hoping for right now, is if it's meant to be, let it

If not... leave me alone.