Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
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2008-09-18 15:28:43 (UTC)

I had to do it..

2 nights ago I told myself was going to break up with him.

The past two days have been so hard for him. I know this
because he tells me he can't sleep or eat.

I can't go back with him and this is why...

I've always been ify about this relationship right before it
even happened. During the relationship I hardly saw him or
spoke to him at one point. I asked him about it and told him
why it scared me. The next day, we broke up. We've had two
discussions in the past 4 months about each other. It gave
me the impression that he wasn't sure of what he wanted.
Being that he's only 19, i was not going to force him to
change his ways and act more grown up. I'm not.

When he broke it off I was deeply hurt that he would do such
a thing. But in the same token I accepted it. I didn't
convince him to stay with me. Why would you want to convince
someone to be with you when they clearly don't want to?!

We got back together the next day (I forgave him) and to be
completely honest... I didn't feel an ounce of happiness or

Also, we talked about having sex, but my gut is telling me
not to... something is sketchy.

Since that time (back in late june? early july?) I've been
skeptical about this relationship to the point where I'm
talking to other guys.

In August I started going to this Jiu Jitsu gym where I met
a guy... a fighter (so fuckin' hot). We've been talking and
yes we've been flirting.

It got to the point where I couldn't live with myself
anymore!!!! I hated what i was doing to my boyfriend!!!!!!

You don't understand.... this guy from the guy would talk to
me more, text me, want to hang out with me... and where was
my boyfriend during all this? Who the fuck knows!

I want companionship and this gym dude was giving it to me.

Here's one example:

One evening on msn I asked my boyfriend if he could take me
on a date to the zoo, he thought i was kidding.

I was talking to this gym dude about how much i love animals
and he telling me about his stories at the zoo. He then said
he would like to take me to the zoo. WHAT THE FUCK.

That week at my friend's house, I begged my boyfriend to
take me. He's response to that was "whyyy? I don't animals
and it's boring there"

I had to end it with my boyfriend. I was flirting with
another guy and that's not acceptable at all. It's not fair
for him.

So i did it...

My boyfriend didn't want to accept it, he was apologizing
for everything he didn't do (not callings me for days, not
wanting to do anything (it got reeeally bored the last
month) ). He even gave me a ring. I couldn't. I can't go
back with him after what i did.

I told him to leave me alone for a few days...

Did I do the wrong thing by ending it when my feelings for
him aren't the same anymore?