Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
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2008-09-12 14:34:01 (UTC)

I need to make a move..

I've been reading my past entries concerning my
relationship. I'm not happy with it.

I've been talking to a girlfriend of mine about my thoughts
of breaking up with him. She feels that i'm just trying to
find a way out of the relationship... which i'm not, i have
my reasons.

So yesterday at school i told her everything. Everything
from how sketchy he acts with his cell to always feeling
tired when we're together to how he always wants to make out
when we're out with all my friends (i'm not a pda fan) to
how a part of me doesn't want to have sex with him.

Last weekend my buddy told everyone about going clubbin this
saturday. My boyfriend agreed to come with us. However,
yesterday at school he told me that he might not be able to
go because he has a birthday party. I was a bit upset about
this for a few reasons: 1) this will be his frsit club
experience. 2) he'll be experiencing it with his girlfriend.

I guess that means fuck all to him.

Last night he confirmed that he couldn't go because his
friend Jack's girlfriend is having a party and he really
wants my boyfriend to be there.

2 of my close friends told me this: "he's choosing someone
else's girlfriend over you" "he should want to go clubbin
with his girlfriend".

So, i'm thinking.. fuck it. I need to end it here before I
start to hate him.

It has gotten to the point where i can't even stand his
smell anymore. When i'm home, i smell him on me and it makes
me sick!

My fear right now is that when i tell him about it, he'll
want to fix it. But i don't want to. In my mind, we're
already broken up. I'm leading him on and he doesn't deserve it.

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