Torrance the Vamp

The Vamp's Mind
2008-08-28 05:17:15 (UTC)

I Wish I Could Share With You

I wish I could share the worlds in my head.

I wish I was articulate enough to express every little
detail in a way that made sense to not just me.

It'd be nice to tell you a story that I've created in my
head. Though my story is more confusing than As I Lay
Dying at the moment. And I mean the book not the crappy
band that I think exists.

It'd be nice to share the good stories for once.

And not have just the bad ones be vivid and reocurring in
my head.

Why do the good ones fade?

I have a version of every movie I've ever liked. Sure it's
a kiddie bad version or something but it's still my
version. My own little secret pleasure. That I
occasionally escape to. That I forget about. That I rarely
see. I've spent years replaying the same part of the movie
over and over every night adding myself and changing and
adding detail over detail, attempting to perfect it and
mold and make it as satisfying as possible.

But in the end that's all I have. Clusters of overdetailed
pieces of a story that isn't mine.

Funny, I am a cluster of overdetailed pieces in a life
that doesn't feel like mine...

btw this diary entry isn't sad... it's the mood you get
when you're recalling a pleasant memory from long ago