Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
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2008-08-20 00:33:57 (UTC)

My fault.. i knew it would happen

so... I readded the man of my dreams (the one from
highschool) annnnnd it's probably been a month since i've
added him back. I did it because well, I thought I saw him
at this cafe place downtown and it just got me thinking. So,
today as i was watching tv, guess who appeared.. YES!

what the fuck was I thinking?!!

Shit, I want something to happen because we're older now!
But shit, you don't understand. It was one of those things
were we didn't speak to eachother to know we liked
eachother. He was a few lockers away from me and we would
always check to see if the other was there.. lol. I remember
walking to the caff at school and i heard him say "that's
her" and his buddy turned.

I want him to talk to him. Atleast try to!

I think i want to see how things are or if we'll ever
continue or start what we didn't start 5 years ago. ( He got
a scholarship to the states, hence why nothing ever happened).

I feel so unsure about things with my current boyfriend
because I know deep down he's unsure of us. He told me a few
times and I've convinced him to stay and we'll just play by
ear. And that we don't need to make life decisions right now.

my bf makes me so happy and he's so understanding. But..
I've had feelings for this guy for so long!

Shit, why did I add him back? I knew this shit would happen.

What makes me so pissed is that I had a picture of me and my
bf on my display pic! fuck fuck fuck

I hope he speaks to me, God let him speak to me! PLEASE!!!!


I honestly think if my boyfriend acted differently and
would... just proudly say he has a girlfriend, I wouldn't
feel so unsure of us. In some cases I see the young boy in

But.. if this guy talks to me (granted he isn't as shy as
before) we would get to know each other as friends... maybe
for a while, right?

i wana cry and yell!

Ironically enough.. when my last boyfriend broke up with me,
I remember going online and he (highschool hottness) msged
me. I cried even more!!!! What does that meeeeeean?!!!
I cried because if we dated, i probably wouldn't be
experiencing the heartbreak that I was enduring at that
present moment.

At the moment, I don't feel anything for this guy, but to
know he's only a click away, to know that he's probably back
home and to know... things could probably be the same as
before makes me sooooooo curious! I was crazy for this boy!

My heart only has room for one guy, whom is my boyfriend. I
love him so much. But this guy.. i will never, ever forget
him. I still haven't. I met him when I was 16, i'm 21 now.
whenever i see a guy that kinda looks like him, i stare
hoping it would be him.

Please, just talk to me, say hello.