Amnesia

dude
2008-08-14 17:35:59 (UTC)

Let s welcome the period! I..

Let's welcome the period! I'm hungry brb.

Okay, I'm gonna stop my reading right there. I am reading
chapter 5 of digital filmmaking. Sometimes I wonder if I
had bought the right book. Nope, just checked. It's the
same one. I mean, i feel this way because it talks about
the process of making a movie and it is talking about 35mm
ancient history cameras of 9 years ago. Everything we will
be doing is gonna be in high def, nonlinear editing. This
book is describing it as new technology that will overtake
the system soon. That's why this book is a history book.
Cause all of that stuff has already happened. I feel like
I'm partially wasting my time with it. It is hard to
understand and I don't know whether I should be putting
more of an effort to understand it. I won't yet, but I'll
pay as much attention as I am already paying it. I'll
revise if need be, but I doubt that that will be the case.

I have to work on my attitude. I mean, I think I have it,
but I somewhat want it to shine out more. I want to work
on the whole not outshining others, and be as great a
person as I am. As I showed when I walked into that
interview months ago.

I feel greatly at ease ever since Discover has given me an
extension on my max limit. NOt totally is the monkey off
my back though. Come friday I'll have to make my
payments, but first I want for Terry to get back to me
about the monthly payments. Hopefully he'll do that
sometime soon.

I couldn't read anymore cause I kept thinking about how I
have stuff On my mind and I need to write it down, and how
I won't be able to focus until I do. But then I wanted to
finish that chapter of 15 pages before I do that so that
once I do finish this I can read another 37 pages to get
another day out of the way. I'm almost there.

I think my typing has gotten exceptionally better. I mean
I still mispell things and have to backtrack every now and
then, but all and all I write like I'd be on crack or just
totally hyped up. I mean when I do do this it's like I can
actually think and type at the same time. very little
stoping of thoguhts. Obviously my thoughts are still much
quicker but I now type twice as fast so this skill of
writing them down is less annoying. Still a little
annoying thoguh cause it has to be done. I don't mind
making the mistakes. there is spell checker and for the
purposes of this, this is just a diary. No matter. One
that might not ever be read by me or a single other person.

Back to the books. I'm 300 pages behind. That's more then
one of my books. That's okay because I can clean that one
book out in one day. I'm not sure which day that will be
hopefully this one.

Had an interesting idea recently, well no. It was more
like I talked to Alisa. She had called and mentioned the
future, about moving to LA, and we had come to a
conversation about relationships and career. She has
Marilyn Monroes view on it where she doesn't mind being
distant from friends and be there for the people. I don't
agree. I believe I can have my cake and eat it too. I've
always wanted to be with that one great guy. And I am with
him. He's GREAT!!! I wouldn't give him up for my career
and I wouldn't give up my carreer for him. So that was the
pickle. I"m sure we will have moments where we dispute
where we are gonna live or me being on location shooting.

I actually wouldn't mind if I'd be away from him for 3
months or so at a time. He does. BUt he'll get over it. At
first I thought, if I had so much money he'd just go with
me, but no, I wouldn't want him interfering with the
career focus thing. And I mean it would be such a
nuissance if I have to adjust anything because he has a
different schedule. Should I ever be directing anything on
location or wherver, I believe That I should come first.
So when my alarm clock rings, and I get ready a certain
loud way, that I don't have anyone to wake up.

But when that is all said and done, I would love him 10
times over in one day as soon as I'd get back. We'd go on
vacation for a week or two before I'd have to get back to
the editing room. That would be great. I'm sure Chris
would be able to deal with that every now and then. I
don't think he likes parties...

And I'm sure if I'd ever make it as far as the Oscar's or
anything like that he wouldn't wanna go. I'm not sure I'd
want to bring him either. But maybe one of these days I
would say to the Oscar's and he'd start talking to
somebody and end up doing a bit of golf with them. Heck
let's say everything would turn out great and he'd get a
couple of star golfing buddies in the film industry that I
didn't get a chance to talk to. Later on we could strike
up a big deal through a game of golf. Golf is gold.
Looking to the future that is one of those things I would
love. I would love for him to fit in to the society I will
be working with. But truly I don't even think I'll fit in
with them. There might always be that line of seperation
like it's either business or pleasure and you can't step
over that line. I'm glad to have Chris. That way I know
I'll never get that line crossed in the more then friens
kinda way. But who knows maybe I'll make a couple of
friends along the way who will be the closest kind.
Hopefully not though.

I've never been able to keep two contacts in more then one
catagory. It is hard. impossible when it comes to career.
Most people I work best with it really is only best when
there is that invisible line that keeps us from beeing
friends. That goes the other way as well.

I want to write more. I am very thankful for this time.
I've never felt better, more in control then I do now. it
is only getting better too. Perhaps I'll do some yoga as
well. I'm on my period so it kinda hurts to do stuff right
now, but perhaps a bit later.

Don't know what else to write but I feel that I havent'
written much of sutff that is actually gettting to the
point. I love my life. I really feel that what I want to
accomplish in while in school will be done. I am preping
myself for it well. My books will soon be done with. Today
is a crunch day and I will finish off a book. A better
plan for this would perhaps be good. Tomorrow I will fax
my stuff over for payment.

So how should I do this? 300 pages to go to catch up. 190
pages left in this book, that is 8 chapters, 320 in the
other book, and 10 chapters. I might switch over to the
other book once I finish this chapter, just to spice
things up, my attention span mostly. I think that really,
if I put my mind to it I can finish both of the books
today. Shoot to kill shouldn't be too bad.

So 18 Chapters. 510 pages. It's let's just round it up to
noon. I've 5 to 6 hours before Karoline calls me and wants
to hang. I might call Chris today. I know he's doing
something today. or was it tomorrow. Probably tomorrow so
I'll call him come 3 p.m. or so. So that gives me 3 hours.

But my brakes usually go for, read for a chapter take a
brake to walk around for 5 minutes or so. With the action
fantasy adventure books I'v read I couldn't put them down,
so I'd read for 200 pages and only brake for a snack or
the bathroom. Thi isn't the greatest thing since I'm on
kid of a diet right now.

I've only had some cantaloupe, a peach, an omelet so far,
and i've been up since 630. Wow,

I've got a grand total of 8 hours to read, but probably
more like 6 because Karoline and I will hang. My reading
might come out to 40 pages an hour. Hopefully it will be
more like 60 cause then I can take a break for a movie
after 120 pages and say I'm almost half way there. 2 hours
later I do another 120 which would be 240, so only 60
short. It's mad to expect me to read 300 pages of school
material in one day to catch up, but it's a good aim when
I allow myself not to make the goal. But the close to it I
get the happier I will be.

I aught to time myself I don't know how fast I read. This
will help me estimate the rest of this stuff. Alright
let's give it a go.