Life - so complicated
2008-07-30 15:13:05 (UTC)

Where to start....

I've just come back from the worst 2 week holiday of my
life. It's an extremely long story so I'll cut it short. I
went with Louise to Zante. All the lads went too but as a
separate group. One of them being Andy, who Louise was
convinced would become my 'Zante boyfriend'. A
relationship in my situation would not have been the
greatest of ideas. Anyway we had a great first few days.
We met a group of lads from Wales and drank with them. One
night I went into Laganas with them while Louise stayed
with 2 of them back at the hotel - she said she wasn't
feeling well. That night something happened to me, whether
my drink was spiked, or whether I was given a dodgy drink,
or whether I was so completely wasted I had no idea what I
was doing, I have no idea but I have hardly any
recollection of the night. I text Andy to come and save me
because one lad inparticular was becoming more than just
aggressive with me. Now before Zante a couple of things
happened. I knew that Andy liked me. We went to
Gillerthwaite and we spent quite a lot of time together
and we slept together. But whenever one of us asked what
was going on we both decided to leave 'us' until after
Zante. Well he decided, I went with it. I thought he
deserved a holiday as a single lad to get all the stress
from home out of his system. However, whilst still at
home, he said some of the nicest things to me and I began
to realise I cared a lot for him. Back to Zante, he looked
after me that night, I threw up and was a right mess. He
looked after me the next day and then that night I went
back to his again and we slept together and I felt really
special and safe and secure with him. We watched the sun
come up on the beach, it was amazing, my heart felt full.
The next day Louise and me argued big time and when she
really wanted to hurt me she said 'I bet you don't know
about the girl Andy shagged on the 2nd night.' I think my
heart stopped. Louise went home 4 days early leaving me in
Greece on my own. I had to deal with the Andy situation.
He was drunk he said, it didn't mean anything, we weren't
together etc etc. I accepted all of what he said but it
didn't stop the hurt. This is the reason I put up
defences. So to cut a long story short we talked and
decided to be a couple and we came home and spent everyday
with each other since. He knows how much of a mistake he
made, he knows he almost lost me and i've made him suffer
for it since for not telling me. Then the other day I
noticed she had added him on Facebook and they were
messaging a lot. He hadn't told me that either. And when I
confronted him about it he said he thought I wouldn't
care. So we've moved on again and I've said we have one
last chance. Iv been trying so very hard to keep my
defences up this time, I feel myself feeling incredibly
happy with him and I try to suppress it - I'm not used to
that feeling for a start and also it means I'm more
vulnerable to being hurt, which Andy has already done.
Twice. I know I could fall in love with him, he is
amazing. But I can't tell him that. I miss him when I'm
not with him, but I find it difficult saying that to him.
He did just ring, he said that he'd like me to start being
nice, I can do that once I can trust him again. I do
really like him. I'll see how it goes.