ngcw26

-Masquerade-
2008-07-20 16:44:41 (UTC)

What if.........

What if i never went into TLGC
What if i never left singapore
What if i never studied in 1A and was never taught by X
What if i never ended the "best friend relationship" with
Janice
What if i never slapped Annie because of others' joke
Who knows
Everything will not be the same (at least i think...)
I was wondering why life got to be like that but not any
other ways
Just One Decision will lead you to a new and very
different path
That's right, just one and you are it
Maybe that's the reason why i am so afraid of making
decisions
I am afraid of choosing wrongly
So i use the "A/B" method
People will just think that i am too lazy to choose
But the fact is that i am phobic to choosing
It is a nightmare to me
Just like i can never forget those harm that my dear ones
brought to me
For once again in here, my true self appears again
even in my handwritten diary, i couldnt
Not sure why i can in here
Maybe there are memoirs in here=]
both good and bad ones
and lots are related to X.
I've also read the comments of Janice and X
Once, we were best friends
Once, we got close teacher-student relationship
That was for once only
I succeeded in building a wall between me and others
and force others to leave me
i do this not because i want others to pity me or care for
me
it's because i know that even how hard i try
i can never feel what others did for me and care for me
i know what they did and how much they care
but simply i just can't feel those
all these seems so fake but real
for those things that will not stop changing,
just ignore it
that's my view
so since others will not love me and protect me forever
they are not real and everlasting
i dun want it because i dun want to lose it
i dun want to get hurt or be upset (though i always cry
for nothing, it's not equal to sad)
i am never a normal girl
so dont expect any normal thoughts from my mind'

For once only,I really hope that u can read this




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