Waka Waka Waka
2008-07-20 15:43:20 (UTC)

Final chapter of us

Friday night me and the boy talked about 1:00am (usual time
that he is in super drunk mode and I am sound asleep) he
kept accusing me of being with someone Thur and Fri night,
I kept reassuring him that I was with no one and that I
have been faithfull to him. He told me that we were done
and that he didn't trust me and that I didn't trust him.
He hung up on me and left me alone the rest of the night.
I texted him the next morning that I didn't want to call
and wake him up but I needed to talk to him about what he
said to me Fri night. He called me right back and we
talked for about an hour---same old, same old. Him
accusing me of sleeping around, me defending myself. Him
saying that I started the fight Thur and I couldn't wait to
get away from him and I was smiling and talking on my cell
when I left. I told him that I sure as hell wasn't smiling
and I wasn't on my cell I was just not answering the phone
when he called because we have done this before and all he
does when I answer is scream at me what a whore I am, he
said that he wasn't going to scream at me that he was
calling to tell me that we have to stop fighting like this
and sit down and talk through our problems. I admitt it--
that stopped me in my tracks, I told him that I agreed that
we needed to stop fighting and start talking----so we
started talking. We both agreed to tell each other one
thing that bugged us about the other person and try and
talk through it. He picked that I bolt when we fight,
after discussing it with him it came out that he is right
and that when we fight I do bolt, I run away from him as
fast as possible but I told him that I don't bring up the
past, I don't need to talk about my previous relationships
but I told him that being married to dickhead was hell, and
when dickhead said to "get away from him" I was moving my
ass away from him as fast as possible. I told Boo that I
trusted him 110% that he would never hit me but it was
something I was going to have to work on and not make him
pay for what dickhead did to me. I brought up how every
time we are together I have to hear how this girls wants
him, how he had that girl over there, how he fucked the
blonde over there and she still doesn't walk right. I told
him that it was disrespectful to me to talk about other
girls and that he could tell it upsets me but he keeps
going on and on about it. He would not say anything about
it to me so I know he doesn't think he has a problem. He
told me that he had to go because he had to go to his Dads
to help him and then he was going to--------where-----oh
YES! THE BAR!!!!!!! He told me to go out and have a good
time and that we needed space. I mowed all my lawn and
came in about 4:00 and laid down on the couch to take a
nap. At 5:00 my phone is ringing and I answer and it is
Boo asking me where I had been all day, I reminded him that
I told him I was going to cut grass all day and I was just
taking a nap---The screaming started!!!!!! I was a whore,
I'm ALWAYS sleeping, if I really wanted to make our
relationship work I would have been over to see him and
talk to him, I'm usless and only concerned about myself and
he had been at the pool all day with everyone and how dumb
he felt that I wasn't there and he had to dodge everyones
questions. I couldn't even think straight, I kept telling
him that I didn't know that he wanted me to come see him
and I thought he was going to his parents house and he knew
I had to catch up on my own stuff at my house. So what
does dumbass me do? Jump up get a shower, drive over to
his town to his stupid BAR!!! We sat and talked for about
an hour---well, he talked I sat and listened---this was the
count down:

1.) I am a whore---he doesn't trust me, he never did, he
never will, I make him sick to his stomach.

2.) I am a puppet master, I play with guys and he is not
going to be one of my puppets, he is cutting the strings so
I can't play with his heart anymore.

3.) He knows I was with someone else Thur and Fri and he
will never touch me again or kiss me again because I am
dirty and probably now have an STD. I left him Thur to go
to another guy and it was probably my XH because I told him
that I was still in love with my X and wanted him back----
Holy Hell!!!! When did THAT conversation happen??? I
never said that and I wouldn't be stupid enough to EVER say
that to him.

4.) When he looks at me now he throws up a little in his
mouth because he knows I had been sucking someone else cock
the last two nights.

5.) He took one of my friends home Fri night and fucked
her in our bed and he could take any of my friends home and
fuck them because they all wanted him and now that he
fucked around on me like I did to him (which I NEVER have)
we were even.

6.) He doesn't know why I came to his bar right now because
my friend is coming up to meet him and he is going to take
her home and fuck her again on our bed and then do her on
the kitchen table. He told me that I was ruining his night
and that he was going to do a shot, go into the bathroom do
a line (WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN A LINE!!!!! I sat there
stunned---like a line of coke???? YOUR into coke?????? Oh
baby you just made this break up so much easier on me!)

7.) I wanted to control his life, I wanted to be in charge
and was always harping on him. Ummmmm, if you mean I was
always harping about your drinking---YUP!!! your right! I
was always on you about your stupid drinking!

I sat there quietly with tears running down my face, what
an idiot I have been!!!! How could I have let this
happen? Why do I feel the need to be around men like
this? Even as I sat there with tears falling he kept at
me, it didn't even bother him to see me cry. He told me
that I did this to us, I wanted out, I'm the one who broke
it off so I had no one to blame but myself. He said that
he was telling me the truth when he told me he loved me and
that he did truly love me but now he had nothing but
discust in his heart for me because he thought I was a lady
and I was nothing but a dirty whore. I had heard enough, I
got up and said good bye and have a good life. He got up
and said he would follow me out to my car (now, now you are
going to try and be a gentlemen?) He hugged me good bye,
told me to not call or text him that we were done and
nothing was going to change it. But then in his next
breath he told me if I wanted to call him every now and
then I could because he worries about me. As I drove away
it didn't seem so bad, I wasn't even that upset anymore, I
mean I was upset with the mean things he was saying to me,
especially since if you knew me you know that I don't go
out, I stay home with my boys, I'm not a run around and I
truly did have feelings for Boo and I never would have
screwed around on him. But I didn't really feel bad about
us breaking it off totally. I almost felt relieved because
I gave him chance after chance after chance and he kept
making promises that he couldn't keep and then would blame
it all on me and I would get sucked in and start to believe
that maybe I was to demanding, to controling)but now I see--
-especially now that he admitted to the drugs---I'll give
him credit, I didn't see that one coming, he kept that one
pretty well hid, but it does make a lot of his actions
understandable now. And honestly, it really doesn't hurt,
I'm not wondering if when I pick up the phone if it is
going to be Jeckly or Hide I'm going to be talking to.
Final chapter, end of this book.

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