Ben

Stuff
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2008-07-07 03:24:01 (UTC)

Realization

I wanted Mikel and Sara to know how I felt about they're
friendship, so I sent Mikel a link and password to this
journal. As of a month ago, she has yet to reply- Make
notice that she has indeed, read this.

Whatever, I suppose. Her and Sara are only the main reason
im reckless, suicidal and consistently high, but what do
they care? They've moved on and could care less about what
they're past actions have done. I don't blame them for
everything, but largely, I would not be in my shoes had it
not been for them. I do accept my fault where my fault is
clearly due, but why don't they say anything to me?

What did I do?

I'm still caught up in this, it happened 4 years ago.. I
have new friends, a long-time girlfriend and some great
things. Yet, when I think of everything... Life in general,
I still look at everyone and everything the same. I'll be
left, broken and shattered by the wayside, while my friends
steal and take from me only to abandon me later on down the
road when I have nothing to offer them.

Sara fucked me up. I just wish, above all wishes- For one
day.. She could feel my guilt, my shame, my pain- My very
torment that I continue to dwell in all these years after
what she'd done.

Suicide seems painless.


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