lilv13t402

Memories
2008-07-04 06:53:13 (UTC)

July 4, 2008 - Fireworks, and My Thoughts

Dear Diary,

Today's July 4th.. fun. Aha. I mean, yeah it is fun
spending time with the family, but what about those other
years all five of us spent together. =/ I'm going to miss
this feeling. A lot. T_T
I might be too rational about the moving thing. Aha. My
decisions don't make sense at all! Arg! Lol. But it's ok.
I think it won't be so bad moving. I will miss this place,
but life is a series of changes. I have to go through it
to know what's really special to me. =/
I think, it's like loving a "Jacob". The real thing I'm
looking for is an "Edward". But to say that I'm using
a "Jacob" to get over my problem is just making a coward
of myself. Stupid. Overthoughtful. Crazy. Idiot.
Of course, if I don't vent out all of this, I won't
feel good, and won't be able to sleep like this past week.
I've been thinking tooooo much!!! Usually, I just close my
eyes and let the sleep take me away. But damn! I think too
much about what I should do that it wears me out.
The things I've accomplished this year, has
changed somewhat. What I wanted to hold on to, I selfishly
changed it, by wanting more from it. When I promised
myself not to want more than just what was given to me.
Now I feel remorse... And I can't forgive myself for this
feeling that I've put upon myself.
Crazy me, stupid me, idiot me...
Fireworks... is like another way to burn the soul away.
Fuse with it's fire, and it'll take you far far away into
the sky, and boom boom boom. And then it'is
gone...forever. Just a puff of cloudy smoke.. that'll then
mesh with the atmosphere.. no where to be seen. Only those
observant can look through to it, and bring it back.. only
to make the process happen again. Fireworks.. the essence
of so many things.

Love you guys always, Janie *~~*

Tomorrow is another day... [=




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