I drink Alone
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2008-07-02 17:43:15 (UTC)

Same ole

Trying again. AGAIN we almost came close to attempting to
end things between us.
I know that we both love each other, but I'm not sure how
much we're emotionally involving ourselves anymore.
A couple nights ago he called when he was suppose to be
home and told me he was sent to Austin for a job. I was
tired because Hayden had been sick all day and throwing
up, Jordan was very fussy and I'd been trying to get my
homework done. That was all that was bringing me down. But
he told me he could tell by my tone of voice that I didn't
believe he was working late.
Even if that's what was going through my head it's not
like it's a huge secret. I don't trust him. I've told him
before. Until there isn't anything else turning up, until
he proves otherwise I won't trust him.
Whatever. He told me a couple nights ago during this
discussion that he thought we'd gotten married too soon,
had a baby too soon, moved in together too soon.
All these things he was either in total agreement with me
or pushed more for. So whatever. We probably were both
wrong and yeah took it a little fast but now we're
married. But what role model for marriage does he have?
His fucking Dad who is telling him to leave me because I
don't make him happy supposedly. His Dad wants him to
leave me because I won't tolerate him or his "wife"
anymore for VERY good reasons.
They can both kiss my ass, I hope they get aids and die.
(a very likely thing too)
Sometimes I get so angry at the bullshit they just expect
me to get over, the many, many times he hurts my feelings
or allows bad things to happen. I think it'd be better for
me, for both of us to just cut our losses and get out.
We're married tho. I need him probably a little more than
I should. So I'm going to take pills so the bad things
hurt a little less, so I can handle my emotions and the
way I feel about things a little more to his liking.
Maybe it'll make me a better wife, a better mother. Who
fucking knows

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