Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2008-06-17 15:28:08 (UTC)

June 17th

At the moment I'm at my uni. I went to an Academic Advisor
to discuss courses and credits. In another 2 1/2 hours I
have my counseling appointment.

I'm writing in here because i'm feeling nervous again. Why?
Fuck I wish I knew why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling right
now. I'm getting dizzy and a bit nervous. I have nothing to
be nervous about. I'm done summer school, I'm only at school
to get things straighten out with my courses and to see my
counselor. I'm messed up.

I should probably get something to eat. I wish that bitch
didn't ask me to leave the lounge area. I was so relax and
in peace. Now i'm in a busy area of the school because this
is the only area I know of that have a decent place to sit.
Ugh!!
In a few hours the graduates will be upstairs, ugh it's
going to be so loud! Damn echos and big open spaced
buildings. Damn YORKU!

I'm really wishing I didn't have that ice cap. Now i'm all
shaky and nervous. Fuck. When will I ever learn.

I got upset at my boyfriend yesterday. lol, i'm such a
grumpy bitch sometimes. At least I'm able to acknowledge it
when it happens. I don't know why I was like that though. I
stayed up until 2am waiting for him to come home from work,
and he was too busy to talk. I felt like an idiot sitting at
my desk and waiting a few mins for him to respond to me. He
knew something was wrong, but ugh! I waited to talk to him
when I could be sleeping considering I had to be at school
before 9am. I need to stop doing that. If I need to go to
bed, I should just go. I'll speak to my boyfriend
eventually, ugh. I'm such a girl. lol

Fuck, I'm feeling really nervous and dizzy. What the fuck is
wrong with me. I wish I had some kind of lunch with me. I
have 2 more hours to go and then I could leave. But I need
to go to the mall after i'm done with school. I can't have a
panic attack at the mall. FUCK. I just want to be relaxed!
WHYYY I don;t know whyyy i'm like this. I know I have no
reason too be this why, but I can't control it.

My doctor asked if I wanted to take meds for this. I
declined. I want to know the root of my problem and deal
with it on my own. Fuck I'm really not feeling well.

I'm getting that feeling of being in a lecture and wanting
to leave because i feel like i might faint/throw up. Shit.

I think I'm just afraid to be alone. I reeally really hope
my friend calls. I could use his company right now.

Shit what am i going to do now. I need to lay down. I'
getting really fuckin hot... shit i need to calm down.
fuuuuck. Whats wrong with meeeee. Please calm the fuck down.

I thikn i'll play a game, wait until im calm and buy some food.

good plan