alone and adored
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2008-05-20 23:04:04 (UTC)

why do I push people away

tonight i asked oz (msn style) if he wanted to fool around
before we went out. his
response: "..........................................."
fucking nothing.. for like 45 minutes... then like 2
minutes before we go out hes like "omg i totally missed
your message, does your offer still stand when we get
back?" HOW ABOUT NOT A FUCKING CHANCE... i seriuosly like
to think i have more self respect than that.. so honestly
I am DONE with oscar. I am SICK of waiting around for him
to make a move and I and not gonna fucking THROW myself at
him anymore- this is ridiculous.... he's acting like a
fucking coward at this point... got it Oz.. you dont wanna
fuck me. should have figured that out before.

fucking what the fuck. just ruined my evening. this is
bullshit. so were out and im supposed to act all normal
like he hasnt been pissing me off the last few weeks with
his fucking passive attitude towards casual sex. YAH i
feel like a slut, Oz.. donno if thats what u were going
for but I do so.... having fun jacking off in the toilet
you fag, cuz u ain't getting any from me anymore NOT THAT
YOU WOULD EVER ASK FOR IT. ill get what I want from
someone else and u will think im a bitch and a whore and i
will say- it could have been all yours but u acted like a
shit and u lost it. youll be sorry when u see him in the
kitchen the next morning eating the bread u bought.

all i wanna do it be a bitch to you. you so fuckng deserve
it. I fucking spelled it out for you and if u dont want it
fine. Ill get it somewhere else I swear to god.

fucking Jacob.. thanks for the email. a phonecall would
have been nice but w/e.. dont even know what to think
about "us" honestly. im so confused. I dont think were
gonna last, babe. too bad.. casual sex with u I could sooo
handle right now. I was fucking dying today and
soooomebody was too FUCKING DAFT to take his chance.. so..
ill give u a chance cuz i dont think weve reached were Oz
and I are- the ' i dont wanna fukcing LOOK at you, youve
officially fucked this up ' stage. Ill give ua chance i
relaly will cuz i knew you from way back when and i wanna
try it .. and at the very least i wanna loose my
virginity... yes.., i am still a virigin.. oh PS OSCAR-
****FUCKING**** LOOOOOSER. fag. thats all i have to
say... seriuosly.. fucking some other spanish hussy.. u
can diss me in spanish right in front of me and il still
smile and act pleasant.. cuz thats what i do....

fucked if u think im gonna have a talk about it... i have
like 10 fucking days left here im not gonna fight with
u .. but im gonna try and let u know u fucked right up
with me.

im not pusing u away.., i really dont think thats what
this is... i honestly think you hardcore have been a tool
these last few weeks... i am over this thing with u..., u
cant ask for it sometimes ... fucked if im gonna give it
up every weekend.. YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR THAT SHIT
BOY?!.... jesus... thats what u get for having a
girlfriend for like 5 years i guess...

man honestly... u do not deserve me.. im over you and too
bad too cuz i thought i really liked you... i thought i
wanted u to be my fuck buddy.. but your a shitty fuck
buddy cuz i always have to ask for it.. so



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