EssentialSista

My Aphrodisiac
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2008-05-19 03:06:09 (UTC)

I Need To Vent

Yeah, so I clearly have an on again; off again kind of
relationship with my online journal. Hell, any journal for
that much. I needed to write though. None of that
inhibition type shit. But WRITE. I gotta categorize this
though so I can follow my own thoughts...

Career:
New gig starting tomorrow! Ahhhh...I'm excited. Ok. Scared.
Willing. Optimistic. Fear of the unknown...Yeah, that's it
Don't know what I'm gonna wear yet. All I know is that I
need to get my butt to bed on time and be up by 6:15am. That
way I can get up, do my affirmations, drink some green tea,
make a lil' breakfast and do my regular shit to get ready
for the day. God is definitely blessing me in this arena.

Social Life:
Huh? What? Me? Since I been in Cali this shit has been
minimal. VERY minimal might I add. I have one "friend" that
was on house arrest, was in a controlling relationship with
an old, crazy white dude. Who now is in another relationship
and basically stays out in Lancaster the majority of the
week and end of the week. BOO! Then I have another...well,
her ass is just an associate now. Fuck her. That bitch
hella fickle. She got issues she needs to deal with.
PERIOD. I don't have time for all that shit. One month she
actin' funny...notice I said MONTH, the next she's tryin' to
figure out why I ain't invite her to church. Shame the
devil! God don't like ugly and he sure don't favor cute!
Ummmm...other than them, I have my bestfriend who is in TN.
Thank God she'll move back out here mid-June! Yay! And then
there's Marshall, my editor and friend in TN as well. So,
yeah...that's that. I need friends. I know. I'm prayin' on
it. I am.

Love Life:
NONEXISTENT. And it's so...sad. I haven't been in a
relationship in literally two years. I haven't even dated
anyone really. I mean, is there something wrong with me? I
figured I been workin' on it all this time I've found myself
alone. Maybe I really do need to do a self makeover. I say I
want dick, but want more. I wanna be loved! I really do. Is
that not practical? I'm tired of these dudes with chicks and
wives tryin' to holler. I want my own! I do, I do, I do-oo.


Damn, twenty-three is so...not what I thought it would be.
I'm sad. Lonely. Insecure. And some other shit. I said I
was gonna speak positively from here on out. But I really
needed to get some shit off my chest without appearing to
someone as complaining or bitter or some other Angry Black
Woman thing. Ok. I guess I'll start this whole
self-makeover with some positive affirmations.

I have a career I love and am fulfilled.
I love me.
I have a very fun and sociable life.
I have wonderful relationships.
I have a wonderful man I love and loves me the same in return.
I am blessed and highly favored.
No weapon formed against me shall prosper.
I have a fulfilling life.

Yep, so endin' it on a positive note...Peace & Blessings.


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