All that is
Ad 2:
2008-05-15 01:48:58 (UTC)


that boy. i really hate his guts like really. but its
because i once fancied him rotten. (he had girl-friend at
the time - dunno if he still does) but anyways i we were
at emerences b/day party and we flirted like crazy. and i
ended up stayin at his for the night. nothing happenedd
tho. wish it had at the time. then he totally changed
afterwards I dont know why. just like being a dick-head
and behaving this weird way that i imagine you'd behave to
some1 who you knew fancied you, but you were also repulsed
by. just kinda mean.

I wanna say = (jokingly of course but meaning it too) -
"luke, i saw a life long friendship blossoming between
us - but you had to go and fuck it up."
then we'll get into this half argument half banter
about 'How?' and who messed it up etc...

But every now and then i see it in his eyes like he'll be
lookin at me or something and like we share some kinda
chemistry. polar opposite attraction kinda thing. we got
on like a house on fire that night tho, really. and even
at fabric we were holding hands. but then like back at
college we dont even talk of those times or mention
anyhing about it, or even acknowledge that we saw outside
of school. he'll behave as if it didnt happen. but why? i
mean its not like we got off with eachother or anything -
that i can understand. It just makes me think that like he
knows theres some kinda chemistry there. its like when we
both talk to eachother theres this tension there. and i
know he feels it too.

This time off, i WILL see luke and i WILL say those things
to him - see how he reacts.

things i have to do -

spatial design outing - there i'll see luke obviosly,
sonali dinner then clubbin
ludek and david picnic (poss, lucia also)
lucia barbecue
27th may tuesday, exhibition invigilation (also with luke)
28th wednesday - (private show with peter possibly)


basia (AA)
feras (AA)
jan (AA)

luke and amartey asked me (like they asked emerence the
day before), who out of every boy in our class i thought
was the fittest? i didnt answer. but if i had i been
honest (and i wouldnt have been, not in a million yrs), i
would have said luke. Its luke who's the hottest in the
class honestly. like he could be a model his facial bone
structre is so fine. he has a really cool composure about
him also. like he attracts people. i wonder how. But
instead I took the opportunity to offend him slightly. and
said "noone
really - you all look like 12 yr olds..." OUCH. it felt
good. i'm pretty sure he didnt tho as he was kinda silent
afterwards. but he's been more responsive to me since so i
guess it worked. - treat em mean, keep em keen. some guys
or people should i say just dont appreicate good people.

we'll see.