Its been a good week. I am not sure why however I feel so
pissed right now. I can't convince muself its the fact I
have had about three glasses of wine. I also don't know
why all of a sudden Brian is making me want to pull every
hair out of his body and feed it to him. I just know I am
pissed and aggrivated. But lets address the Brian thing.
I don't know if its that when he acts too cute and I just
want to tell him to stop being so cute that it really
irritates me or when he acts so fucking delicate and cute
and sensitive. I mean right now I am about ready to crawl
out of my skin I want to hit him so bad. And he really
didn't do anything in particular. I mean we had a really
decent day but I think when he acts so cute it really just
makes me want to slap him. I wish he would just talk and
act without that little boy quality in his voice. I think
its like Nate at school/daycare. He isn't a bad kid but
when he wines like a girl about absolutely nothing I just
about want to send him through the wall. Not that I would
of course as he is a baby,...but thats the point. It's
just that I get this overwhelming feeling of rage that I
have a hard time controlling or knowing where it comes
from and that makes it even worse becasue I don't know why
I feel the way that I do. Or what I can do about it.
Its like when I come out and find him I mean Brian not
Nate, asleep on the couch. Not that he doesn't have the
right to sleep whenever and wherever he wants, but
sometimes I feel so let down. I mean here I am doing the
same things he is and not so damn tired and lazy all the
time and yet when i see him acting so womanly I just want
to as I said earlier pull every hair out of his body and
yes feed it to him. He has come over to the open door I
don't know how many fricking times and had that same blank
look on his face and I just want to take a wash cloth to
it and change it to something, anything else that will
make sence. For me.
Not that I am a sexist but I just think I feel so over
adrenalized sometime hell could it be hormonal,...it could
be the reason for the adrenaline rushes I feel all over my
body, especially out of my stomach area,...
And another thing I know I fiddle with my hair but it also
just sends me over the edge when I see him playing with
his forehead and hair. I get really over the edge then.
Gosh I hate using the terminology he uses but edgy really
edgy and not in the novelist sence.
Okay and since I am getting it all out, the next time I
see him walking around in his equivalent of baby huey
underware and nothing else except his stupid doofy smile I
am going to hurl. I mean for one thing his underware is
not in the greatest of shape and the color stripping of
farts along the butt crack area is less than pleasant. I
mean instead of getting the latest supply of snack food
for your over indulged belly maybe get a couple pair of
underware would you. And he wonders why I don't want to
wash his crappy underware with mine?????
I actualy feel more human now.
Thank you for letting me vent,
PS Have at it!!!