blkdragon

grounded
2008-04-24 19:29:40 (UTC)

Constructive/destructive criticisms and fears

4/24--12:54PM--Went to bed @ 1:30, woke @ 2:30, returned
to sleep and stayed in bed until 7; got on the floor after
taking care of my bedroom. I'll make a point to get on the
floor in a couple of hours. I went to Lavon's yesterday,
he returned my call, I wanted his help making a card to
send to Charlotte; I don't believe I'll bother using the
one he designed. He inserted a balloon, I'd have inserted
calligraphy quoting whatever message I wanted to convey, I
hung with him for a couple of hours; he didn't think I'd
be a good candidate for CNA either! Lavon's Wife does that
kind of work with Alzheimer's and Dementia patients, I've
concluded that both Lavon and Charlotte believe they know
something about me that they couldn't possibly know, given
the fact that neither of them has spent enough time with
me to know anything other than what I've shown them. I
noticed Lavon tried to get me to believe his new business
is up and running smoothly, he's shown promotional items
he's received at no cost, mentioned being the only non
producing member of the New York Wine Association; or
something along that line.
Lavon is the senior director/co-founder of his company,
his home address is the company's address and his
apartment became Suite #13; he tries too hard to impress.
I told him about Charlotte wearing the candy necklace
thong set, he told me about some woman wearing a life-
saver short set with matching thong for her bridal party,
she charged money for men to bite a life-saver from her
ensemble; Lavon's Daughter called and listening to the way
he talked to her was disturbing. Listening to Lavon and
remembering how he describes his relationship with his
Family, things weren't jibing, his Daughter would come
home during my talk with him; I noticed disdain (for him)
in her character.
Lavon told me how he did things with Rob, one of our co-
workers, how he bonded their Families; I asked about Rob
and he hasn't heard from him. Lavon's Wife would arrive,
we said hello, I'd talk to Lavon for a little while
longer; I'd been at his apartment for 2 1/2 hours. He and
his Wife go to the gym around the corner from his
apartment, not because she needs it, I also got a serious
feeling of not being welcome; I've felt it for quite some
time with Lavon. I didn't meet his Wife until after he'd
introduced her to Ray, we don't live far from one another
and I'd always gotten the impression that he's afraid to
have me around his Wife, that would be his insecurity
getting in the way; I don't do scandalous behavior, I
don't covet what belongs to another man! I won't be
calling Lavon if I don't need to, I also got the same
impression from his Wife, it seems they're much more
comfortable dealing with Caucasians; regardless of all the
African artwork in their home. I happen to know that Lavon
wouldn't go anywhere regular black folk are want to
congregate, the difference between real people and
bourgeois. Around Caucasians he's seriously African
American, around black people he's scared, the only thing
he knows about the hood is that you put one on your head
in the rain.
Something Lavon mentioned that gave him a better
understanding of what his Wife does and how she acts, he'd
volunteered to work on her floor, he didn't have the
patience for it; he'd mentioned being bothered by the fact
that sometimes she spoke to him as though he were
childish. Lavon's Wife and Charlotte were in positions
that placed them in parental roles, the elderly, the
infirmed; suffering Alzheimer's and Dementia, reverting to
childhood. I noticed that was one of the problems I'd had
with Charlotte, her speaking to me as though I were a
child that couldn't grasp a lesson. Bottom line, I have
nothing to prove to either Lavon or Charlotte!
I've done research for x-ray technician studies, that's
the plan; 2-years for an associate's and the demand is
rising. The good thing about the field isn't merely the
need, the hours are generally first shift, the
differential should more than make up for one's loss of
time; I could volunteer on my time off. The problem is my
felony conviction, I called the probation office and left
voicemail for the supervisor, it seems convicted felons
aren't allowed in the associate's program for that field;
employers have been reporting difficulty filling
radiologist positions. I printed scholarship
opportunities, tuition fees, the outlook for the 21st
century projects employment for x-ray technician's will
graw faster than average for all occupations through 2012.
I may have to wait for next fall, the application needed
to be submitted before the first of February to be
considered for admission to the fall program. I plan to
call the Chairperson for that course of study, it seems
HVCC is the only school in the area offering the course,
I'll call the State University to see if it's offering the
program.
I'd done the research at One Stop, noticed being the topic
of discussion as I left, people aren't even considerate
enough not to let you see that they're talking about you;
like I care and that may be their problem. I noticed
people heading for work, people at work, ants came to mind.
Ants are genetically predisposed to performing a certain
function, may engage in the hive mentality and seem
mindless, when I viewed certain people; I saw the ants in
a colony. The difference being a sense of self that an ant
may not share, perhaps even an ability to be thankful for
what one has, I don't see anyone being thankful.
Got a bill for my Net service, I'll call and see if we
can't work out some arrangement, if I decide to do online
studies I'll need the service; the bill is decidedly lower
than it should have been. Got a call from my Dentist's
ofc, we'll resume that business, seems I'm having problems
with my jaw and it's a bit painful; feels like it slips
out of place; I'm told I'll need another examination and
they'll consider it a second opinion at no cost. All in
all, things are starting to feel a bit better, a bit
clearer; without the stress of a selfish child to be
concerned with.
It's been almost two weeks without a cigarette, I still
find myself wanting to smoke, I refuse the urge and wonder
when the urge will cease; I still find myself wanting
Charlotte as well, time will more than sufficiently handle
that urge. I'll head to the library, check my account,
seems I may be close to finalizing my debt with the Labor
Dept; the recent deposit was larger than the previous
deposits. I'll head to the store and gas station, then to
the rink.




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