DayDream Believer
2008-04-23 10:52:11 (UTC)

The perfect plan

It was verry good for a while, I must addmit. I had what I
wanted, the way that I wanted it..but then it broke down
pice by pice, an dthere was nothing I could do about it.

The story is: since may I sporadicly had contact with S*.
It was fun talking to him, it was not like I was in love
or wanted to be with him. It was a pice I`ve been missing,
finaly was back. I had no hopes and dreams about a
relationship, but I wanted a future, a future where we
could talk and be friends.
I had a boyfriend, I had knew him for quite a while and
moved in to his place not long afther moving from Tommy.
His name is Fillip. In the not quite friends, not a couple
face, we had the most perfect time, even went to Rome
together. But with starting a serious relationship, wich
he had always wanted for us, a lot of romance and happines
dissapears. It turns out hes was a disaster to live with.
I love having it nice and clean around me, and he is a
messy person. I knew it before I moved in, but silly me
tought it would change, well it didnt.

He had a lot of girlfriends he talked to for hours
everyday, msn,sms, phone.. Most om them I was okey with, I
even liked them, they are great girls, but some of them
not so much.
I dint feel bad when starting to talk to S* agen, Fillip
had his friends, and i had mine.
He seemd to be a verru noble and honurble man in manny
ways, calm, relaxed, with a high sense og moral, in many
ways. His previous girlfriend had cheated on him, we was
totaly agest cheating, I knew that from the beginning, but
so am I.

Stil I found myself going to S* place two times and have
an affair.
I was really carefull, stil Fillip found out...
And let me say, it was NOT pretty!
First there where a lot of lies and dissapointment between
the to of us. I knew that he was able to do a lot, because
of his profession. For a while I keept lying, hoping that
he did not know it all and that he would not find out. But
he knew, this has to do with his profession.
I lied to protect S* from what I knew Fillip was capeble
of, I lied to protect Fillip, his heart and feeling of
self value, and I lied to protect my self, Im not really a
cheater, this was not cheating, it was something else..
But it was to late to lie, Fillip allready knew, so then I
though the best thing I could do for all of us was to be
Yes I did it, its not a nice thing to do, no you didnt
deserve ot, it had nothing to do with you. I took the
blame for all of it on me. Im the one, and only to blame.
So I became a good girl, did everything Fillip wanted,
tryed to comfort him in in huge pain.
Suddently I got a text message from S*, or at least it
looked like it was from him on my phone. I told Fillip
that I got a message. Hoping he would se that he could
trust me and that I would not go behind his back agen. It
happend once more when I was at a holiday, and I told
Fillip, and did not answer S*.
I though I was doning things right and fair, to everyone.

Thn suddently I could see on my phone that there had been
sent e text message to S*, I had not done it, so I
confronted Fillip with it. And yes, he had sent a message
to S* from my phone! And that was just the beginning, a
lot of things was rulled up, how Fillip had started a crul
revenge to give S* pay back time!
It was horrible what he did, and I found out to late, he
had allready done it. And now Fillip wanted me to live
with it.
I figured it was a test. Fillip wanted to test me, who was
I loyal to, him or S*?
I tryed to play it cool, but I could not, it was a
horrible horrible thing to do, and if it was true, S*
would hate me forever.
I thought it was not true, it was only something he said
to test me, and if I contacted S* I had failed the test,
and the real revenge would start.
But it turned out, it was a revenge, it was real, and when
I found that out I could not live with that.

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