nin137

Nick's Journal
2008-04-22 21:08:21 (UTC)

People who pick fights

juliann told me an interesting story the other day.
apparently, someone was killed near her office. he was a
manic/depressive who wanted to start a "fight club" and
decided that the best way to do so, would be to pick random
fights with people. thankfully somebody clubbed him to
death with a wooden plank. to that i say, good fucking
riddance.

having studied martial arts for almost all of my life, i can
tell you one thing. fight fucking sucks. there's a reason
why "lower" animals in our kingdom go through all these
crazy displays of aggression; very simply, because nothing
is more damaging than a full blown fight. nature, of
course, has a lot more sense than humanity. normally one
will submit to the other after enough posturing here and
there, and (as far as i can tell) animals don't "pick"
fights; although i'm sure i could be wrong with that.

then of course we come to the drunken male (or female). i
used to think that it was just frat brothers who engaged in
this debauchery, but, the truth is, fully "matured" men
engage in it as well. this is unfathomable to me. why in
the world would someone willingly engage in a physical
confrontation?

every monday in brazilian jiu jitsu we "play" this game
called war. essentially it's a street brawl. we're allowed
body blows and open handed hits to the head (mostly so that
we don't break our hands). last night, i was getting
arm-barred by two people while having a knee shoved into my
side. while, i realize that this is all good training, i
couldn't believe how exhausted i was from just 3 minutes of
highly active physical confrontation.

most people who pick fights don't realize this. they have
no idea how draining it is, how tortuous it is to get hit,
and how animalistic and damaging fights can turn into. one
factor which i have found to be the most telling of those
who pick fights is that they are massively insecure people.
usually drunk, and somehow feeling inadequate. i think
this because the guys that i do jiu jitsu with, the guys who
could really "fuck someone up" are incredibly respectful.
and i believe this is a product of having the confidence in
yourself that you can't get pushed around.

which of course leads me to the instant case that almost
brought an assault charge upon me today. i had 10 minutes
before my appellate argument meeting so i decided to run to
subway to get some lunch. along the way, as is usual, there
was a setup of hippies; loud and abrasive hippies. these
are the assholes that won't leave you alone with some
hair-brained cause or another every day of the week. they
set themselves up at that nexus as they feel (mostly
rightfully so) that they can guilt college students into
activism.

today they were arguing that the cause of the food crisis
was overpopulation (coincidentally had just read about the
food crisis this morning and was somewhat up to speed). i
passed them in a huff saying, "no" when asked, "are you
aware of the food crisis?"
upon exiting subway with about 2 minutes until my meeting i
was once again accosted by the hippies. the one guy was a
lanky dude and the other was your usually unkempt beard
looking, flannel shirt wearing loser. now, normally upon a
second pass the hippies say something stupid like, "oh i
guess you're still not interested." or something along
those lines.

this time, however, unkempt beard said to me as i waved him
off a second time, "so law school teaching you to kiss
corporate ass?"
now writing it now, that doesn't seem nearly as bad as it
did to me when it was said. but it really enraged me; i
don't know what it was, but that just pushed a button. it
just seemed like such a low blow and this is where i never
bought the whole, "it only hurts if its true" crap about
mean sayings. this hurt because it denoted me as someone
who i wasn't; and i felt i had to stand up for myself.
"man fuck you."
"what you gonna hit me?"
i was so incredibly taken aback by this, so utterly shocked
by what he said, i took a step back. hit him? what?
and there he was, unkempt beard man just swaying in front of
me pugnaciously jutting out his jaw with a weird smile on
his face.
and the thing was, he was betting that i wouldn't. and what
kills me, is that he was right. i am never under the
impression that i could "easily" beat someone; but in this
case i was pretty certain.

so i did what seemed the right thing to do. i walked away.
and i felt like a little bitch. the whole time i was
stewing and eating my sub i thought about how i should have
choked that motherfucker out. eventually, my appellate
group asked me what my deal was and i reluctantly told them
(as it made me sound like a little bitch who walks away from
confrontations).
"oh my god they're doing that to everybody!!"
apparently, what these assholes did was, approach law
students nicely the first time, and upon re-approach act
aggressively.
what happened if you took them up on the offer?
well what always happens when you argue with morons; they
drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

apparently it got so bad that our staff went over there to
get them to leave. hot headed law students and pugnacious
hippies with outlandish claims don't mix.

the worst thing, is that looking back on it i still can't
convince myself i did the right thing. even though they
wouldn't have cared what i said and only wanted to engage me
in argument for the sake of argument; i just felt like i
should have said something regardless. especially given
that their overpopulation spiel was ridiculous!!!

but i guess that's the thing in life. we fucking wish that
we get some sort of clear benediction on every choice that
we make; either good or bad. but the reality is; sometimes
we just have to second-guess ourselves until it finally
decides to stop haunting us and recedes into the depths of
our memory.