All that is
Ad 2:
2008-04-21 04:51:38 (UTC)


Yeah she’s like that. There are really very few people who
she lets into her life and shares herself with. Well the
first two are already in her life, that’s her sister and
her cousin. Then there’s Mel. She’s very private. Mel,
she’s known since she was 10 yrs old. Back in junior school
that is. Then there’s Sophie. Sophie she hasn’t seen for
sometime but is close to in some ways. Jess too. She likes
to be alone A LOT you know? Solitude. She’s not socially
inept, no, I mean she was popular right up to yr 11 at
school but come sixth form she just seemed to distance and
cut herself off from the other students. But it wasn’t as
though she was without choice and became alienated; it
seemed more like she had made a conscious decision to do
so. She said once that she’d ‘had enough’ of the
atmosphere, and ‘couldn’t be bothered’ with the cliquey
groups that had formed. There grew a mere indifference
towards everybody, which gradually became contempt. So she
concentrated more on her own thing I guess. Art that was.
That and her delusional escape fantasies as she put it. But
what fascinated me about her was the way in which she did
it - there was something very dignified about it all,
something very graceful, smug even. As if she knew where
she was headed, and that where she was headed was something
or somewhere quite different from everybody else. I think
she was waiting it out. And she was. A dreamer, while
everybody else was caught up inside the cocoon that was rms
she stood out – an onlooker, an observer and watched it
motion by with everybody in it. Some people might have
thought that she was arrogant or just careless, but I
believe her kind of introversion was of another calibre –
something bold. Something inspirational. A mesmerizing

The three things she tells me all these people have in
common? Loyalty. Ongoing loyalty and belief in a friendship
and connection that means no matter how long you stay
without exchanging words for whatever reason, there is
still something there that fills you with wistfulness and
warmth and appreciation when you think about the other.
Sure, communication and frequent exchange of words is
needed to sustain a friendship, but it’s the mutual belief
that you share something beyond the communication of words,
something one can only feel.

But she’s such a contradiction because she’s uncertain of
her physical appeal and attractiveness – she’d some to me
sometimes and say things like ‘Am I pretty?’ or ‘do I look
annoying?’ she thought that the way she looked had a lot to
do with how people treated her. She’d say ‘I just have that
really annoying look don’t I? The one that makes people
have an immediate unexplainable feeling of dislike towards
you. But even with these doubts she defied the stereotypes
of a girl with low self-esteem. She always appeared
independent and socially confident and self assured.
Sometimes even believing everything she said to be
impeccable beyond question. I think that is because she did
not weigh her self worth based on physical attractiveness
alone and the opinions of others, she based it on something
far more profound. She was aware of her more unique