I drink Alone
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2008-04-11 18:53:53 (UTC)

The start of april

Things have been crazy lately. I feel like I've fallen
into some kind of crazy dream. I used to think it was hard
getting sleep with a two year old, forget about it with a
two year old and an infant.
But she's such a sweetie and it's so much fun having a lil
Tonight we're going to dinner for Julie's b-day.
Afterwards a bunch of them are gong downtown to meet up
with Sarah and Mike and who knows who else. I'm debating
going..there are a couple reasons I'm hesitant.
1) I don't want to leave Jordan all night at my Moms. I
could possibly pick her up anyways, but it might be two
2) I feel way to fugly to hit downtown anytime soon.

But we'll see, it's no big deal if I don't. I'll just have
a drink or two at home on my couch. ain't so bad.

This last week I've been in a funk for a few reasons.
Mostly because I feel like I need to start accepting that
things might not work out between Joe and I.
For one I found a bunch of pics he told me a couple weeks
ago he'd deleted off his old computer, he'd moved them
over to his new computer. I myself deleted those pics but
he must of gotten them out of the recycle bin or something.
He had some lame reason why they were on his computer and
that hurt almost more then knowing they were there. Cuz I
feel like I can't believe half the things he tells me.
All this shit makes me feel worse about myself and like
he's not so into me. That and he doesn't seem so
interested in the baby or in me anymore. More and more I
feel like we're dragging him down and he's wanting
something else. Well fuck, aren't we all wanting something
better? I love my kids to death and I wouldn't change
anything now, but to become wrapped up in them and feel
like my world is going okay when he's off doing his own
thing makes me feel like a big fucking fool.
I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't make me
feel happy anymore. We're just not there for each other
emotionally. How do we make this shit work now I don't

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