Shot

Dirty Fractyl
2008-03-30 09:59:14 (UTC)

It's been almost a year

It's been about 10 months since my SECOND release from
jail.

I still am harboring thoughts of getting revenge on those
that belittled me and stripped me of not only my clothing,
but my pride, my self confidence, and my identity.

Thinking about my EXPERIENCE, or journey through hell,
makes me want to shrivel up and die.

Ultimately, I have to think the only person that really
cares about us in the end is ourselves. Everyone else has
their own agenda and those that mingle themselves with the
outer person we are may be afraid to see us when we are
completely spirit raped.

They break the spirit of wild horses and make them
rideable. They break the spirit of human beings and make
them feel worthless. They push their fists against your
jugular vein, because they can. They spray you down
with "capstin," because they can.

"STOP RESISTING."

"I'm not resisting!"

Where is "God" when you need him. Mankind will not
comfort you anymore, only GOD, only that omnipotent but
absent being that people cast their hopes upon.

"You're just not that important."

Will I ever be? Why am I not that important?

People hate what they fear and they fear what they cannot
understand. I guess that sums it up quite succinctly.

I want to become one with the universe and have my being
eclipse with the collective consciousness that is mankind,
but my efforts fail, and I continually fall short of being
the kind of person I wish I was.

Most of all, I hate feeling damned. I don't even think I
believe in a personal god, but knowing that if there WERE
one, he probably wouldn't understand me, his own
creation.

Religions paint a nice fairy tale, but that's all they
do. Over 90% of the world believes in some kind of god.
Count me among the 10% that can no longer do so.