if i could think of one job which fits my mother's
personality the best, it would have to be the makeup artist.
working for a cosmetic line, applying makeup to women,
while at the same time explaining the necessity of applying
the deep foaming cleanser before the rejuvenating skin
lotion is really what my mom was made for.
a person always at the forefront of fashion and never
hastening to lend a helpful hand to people's ill-conceived
fashion faux pas truly has found her ideal job behind 200
assorted colors of lipstick.
so as i waited for my mom to put the finishing touches upon
one of her latest revivals i stood around awkwardly, picking
up nail polishes and perusing skin toners. there were
products at that counter that i didn't even know could
exist. like there is something that looks like sand, that
is applied at night, in the form of a mask, which, upon
waking, is peeled off taking with it all of the nasty
blemishes which make for disgusting skin.
as i was appreciating the variety of beauty products i
noticed that my presence was less than appreciated by my
fellow shoppers. the ladies flitting through 30 different
types of eyeliner kept on casting distrustful glances at me,
as if i were some pervert scoping out middle-aged women
looking for a make-over.
and truthfully i was just intrigued. as great a job as it
is for my mom i can't help but wonder if i should feel sad
for these women. i mean, on the one hand you could think of
it as a sort of hobby. some sort of goal that women set for
themeselves i suppose. on the other hand (and the one that
my pessimistic nature drew me towards) i just felt saddened
by these women who obviously felt that they needed some sort
of enhancement. i decried (inwardly albeit) the
patriarchial society which had imposed this oppressive order
upon the female gender.
then i saw a dress that i thought would look beautiful on
upon sauntering over to the dress, and, after having rubbed
its fabric in between my thumb and middle finger in order to
assure myself of its quality, i noticed that i was once
again being wearily watched. this time i was being watched
by one of the ladies working there.
"looking for something?"
"yes, this dress looks quite beautiful."
she was staring at me uncomfortably,
"for my wife."
with that a breath of relief came out. well not really, but
yu know how people tend to tense up and then visibly relax?
that's sort of what happened. so my question is, is it that
frequent an occurrence that gay men buy women clothing? i'm
assuming my rubbing the clothing in my hands had a
distinctly homosexual look to it, but a man's gotta know
that he's not buying his baby some cheap ass walmart bullshit!
so with that i moved on to hot topic (as the make-over my
mother was engaged in was one for the ages apparently). hot
topic, for those of you who don't know, is the center for
hipsters. those people who are so damn cool. this is all
good and great and i even found a shirt for my baby which i
thought that she liked (see how extremely sensitive and
thoughtful i am?) when i turned the price tag. damn!
why does it have to cost so fucking much to wear something
which of course led me to my next revelation. most
everything in that store was meant to be worn ironically.
you know that sort of state of mind in which you acknowledge
the coolness of a certain topic yet not really indulging in
it onesself lest you look like you actually care about
something, which of course would make you tragically unhip.
seeing as how the cornerstone of just about everything cool
and hip is that you expend no effort in caring, the local
store clerk at hot topic seemed to care a lot about not
negotiating a more manageable price for me.
i tried to persuade him that, rather than giving me the "buy
one get one 1/2 price off" deal, he should give me the
present shirt for 1/2 price. apparently the ear studs he
had in hadn't gone directly into his cerebellum and he saw
through my ploy.
worth a try though. i might just go all out and get my baby
the shirt so that she can wear it ironically. although i
don't think she would be wearing it ironically. because she
actually does watch the cartoon "Gargoyles", in fact, we own
the movie (yes a movie was made, and yes it's boring).
oh well, i'm the ultimate hipster who doesn't care. i
actually wear a shirt which i received for buying printer
ink online. i do not wear it ironically as i am a great
enthusiast of printer ink, to the point that i am genuinely
touched when the company decides to send me some cheap
fabric in order to express their thanks.