Jonathan

Random (boring) Thoughts
2008-03-18 03:40:20 (UTC)

Best Show Ever???

Here's a riddle for you: what do you get when you cross
the beach, Pamela Anderson, and the 1990s? That's right,
you get that miracle of modern entertainment known as
Baywatch.

If you're my age or older, you're probably a Baywatch
expert. If not, you might need to hit the discount TV on
DVD rack at your local blockbuster. You definitely won't
be disappointed.

I recently got the chance to revisit the series during a
late-night syndication airing, and I totally fell in love
with it once again. I've concluded that there's much more
to the show than bikini-clad women.

I've decided to scientifically analyze the allure of the
series. The result of my study was these top six reasons
why Baywatch is quite possibly the best show ever. Enjoy!

6. BAD ACTING
Almost every famous actor went through Baywatch at one
point or another, and they all sucked. From the
terrible plot lines to the horrifically one-dimensional
characters, the acting in the show can be painful at
first. Don't worry, though. You'll barely notice it
because of the bikini-clad babes running around on screen.

5. THE MONTAGE
Like every 80s movie ever made, Baywatch always contains
at least three minutes of a musical montage during each
and every show. Typical fodder for said montage usually
has to do with bikini-clad babes, but I have found that
they offer a deeper perspective on life. The message: Take
time out of every day to appreciate the beauty around
you....and rock out to some classic 90s tunes!

4. DROWNING SCENES
Every episode of Baywatch ends with someone drowning and
then being brought back to life by CPR. This plot twist
becomes especially exciting during episodes that don't
take place near the beach. Will a child drown in a park
fountain? Will a hapless woman stumble upon an eight-foot
puddle in the middle of Malibu? Perhaps a bikini-clad
rollerblading babe will slip and fall....directly into the
Pacific Ocean. Whatever the situation, it's always
exciting to see how the drowning scenes will pan out!

3. REALLY BAD ACTING
In case I didn't explain it earlier, the acting is really,
really bad. I mean painfully bad. It's the kind of acting
that makes one wonder why Baywatch is the most watched TV
show of all time. Then, of course, a bikini-clad babe runs
by, and you get your answer.

2. THE HOFF
Basically, this is reason enough to watch any TV show.
From his original 80s shows to the new Knight Rider movie,
I'm always up for seeing David Hasselhoff on screen. As if
he wasn't cool enough, rumors circulated that he performed
the Baywatch theme song; he didn't, but they show bikini-
clad babes during the intro, so it's still worth watching.

1. SLOW MOTION
What's better than bikini-clad babes running across your
TV screen? Why, bikini-clad babes running across your TV
screen in SLOW MOTION, of course! Enough said.


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