nin137

Nick's Journal
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Ezoic
2008-02-29 04:14:57 (UTC)

and to top it all off a hooker punched me in the back

days like today are the reason why i keep this journal. to
vent. once a while shit pours. now normally i hate
bitching about my life (which is ironic considering that i
have an online journal to which i devote a good amount to an
exposition of my life)..
anyhow.

first and foremost my asshole boss is acting like the
asshole i thought he'd be. after not showing up again to
his office i decided to abandon my hope of quitting on him
face to face and instead sent him an e-mail informing him of
my two weeks notice. i felt like a complete bitch doing it.
oh well. what can i do? if he doesn't show up tomorrow
again two weeks won't even matter.
i figured that, although he manages to duck every e-mail
regardless of whether its work-related or not, he would
probably respond to such an urgent matter as the only other
person in his office leaving.
nope.
nothing. and in a way i think i know what he's doing. he
checks his e-mail (i found this out as he was well versed in
what i had sent him over two weeks of time) he just doesn't
give a shit to respond. but in this case i think its
something more sinister (or maybe the horrible sickle of
cynicism is slowly carving away at me). i think he's
deliberating holding off responding so that he holds an
upper hand.
think about it. i come in tomorrow with a shit-eating grin.
have to rehash the fact that i am giving him two weeks
notice. somehow the ball is in his court...am i going insane?
well anyhow, i was determined to not let that happen so i
decided to call his cell.
STRAIGHT to voicemail. of course. the problem? he has the
shortest lapse time between his intro and the beep. as
normally i'm accustomed to a few rings i was completely
caught off guard.
BEEP!
"uhhh, hey...um, this is nick...um, i was wondering...uh i'm
just calling with regard to my e-mail...and my um, my two
weeks notice. well i'm going to be in to discuss. thanks bye."
god damn it!!!
i damn near hurled my cell against the wall. what a moronic
thing that was.
so at this point i'm in a position where i gotta get my
money from him. i'm near a point where i'm just gonna up
and get out of there and just put it all in writing
demanidng my money. christ what a shitty state this "job"
devolved into.

speaking of jobs. i was nonetheless pleasantly surprised to
get an interview with one of the biggest companies around
here to assist their general counsel. my good friend and
current #1 in our class got this job last year and he was
telling me how the lawyers actually show up to work
everyday. so i was so psyched to get this interview.
then my friend kyle showed me excitedly that he also got an
interview.
now comes the part that i regret about myself. i got really
pissed. i mean when it comes to any sort of merits i beat
the shit out of kyle, yet he still got an interview as well?
what were they just interviewing everyone?
i felt demoralized, dejected, and despondent. fuck it.
fuck it all.
then i was walking to the bus and i started to feel this
horrible distates for myself. ugh.
look at who i've become.
i'm actually angry that a friend got a job interview?
what the fuck is wrong with me?
i always thought that i wasn't one of those meanly-spirited
competitive guys, but look at what law school has done to me.
i felt so ashamed of myself i can't even describe it.
well the world got me back.

as i turned the corner i saw my bus up at the light.
FUCK!!! this shitty night was far from over. so i bolted, i
had to cover two blocks to cover a bus that had about a
block left and was turning on the green.
i ran so hard the cold air felt like flames entering my
throats kindling a dry heat bursting out of my lungs. my
bag painfully dug into my side and slammed against my thighs.
but i made it.
dear god i made it.
i was snarfing in air as i pushed my way through the crowded
ass aisle. in front of me was this nasty looking woman in a
windbreaking, shuffling at the speed of a tortoise, holding
a cell-phone to her ear screaming, "whaat? i can't hearrr
you! talk louder!!!"
she finally swung to the seat on our right and i swung to
the one directly next to her across the aisle on our left.
to do so i crossed my left foot over my body, planted it,
spun around and landed with a grunt.
however as i planted my foot i felt that it was kind of soft.
i realized it was crazy shuffling lady's foot.
as i realzied my mistake i was already turning to apologize
as i heard,
"OW FUCK!!!" followed by what felt like a padded sack
hitting my left shoulder.
it was a flying right jab from the lady.
she was staring at me with a look of malice that wasn't even
close to being proportionate to the injury inflicted.
and in that split second in which i felt the punch land and
saw her indignation the following legal theory ran through
my mind:
definitely not intentional, possibly negligence, likely not,
no duty, therefore no breach and no liability.
thank you law school.
during this legal analysis of my potential liability the
lady was hurling further expletives at me.
jesus christ.
she finally settled and bellowed into the phone some more.
the guy sitting in front of me was oddly staring behind
himself at me and at her. finally he placed his hand on her
thigh and slid it up (to do so he had to basically lean
across me and all the way across the aisle)...he was fucked up.
finally the guy next to him left, so drunken creepy guy slid
over to the window while cell phone lady moved next to him.
he was nastily all over her, nibbling her ear and rubbing
her thigh, then grabbing her hand and pulling it up towards
his crotch.
all the while she was on the phone.
hooker.

so she finally got off the phone and sort of fought off his
advances.
"so what we gonna eat?"
"you wanna eat first or..." and at this he creepily trailed off.
"we eat first." she said in a manner of someone who got
"screwed" once too many times.
"chinese cool?"
"nawh that gives me the shits...we got any decent burger
joints around here? you can't get a decent burger no more."
"i know a place...maybe we could pick it up and eat it at my
place."
"nawh, first we eat...then we engage."
i found it funny that someone who was so crass in general
woudl take the effort to put such an obtuse word to cover up
a sexual act.
"you looking at my eye?"
"no."
"it happened when i was a kid."
at this the drunken guy was apparently referring to an
insecuirty of his as to a drooping right eye he had.
"it contagious?"
"what? hell no."
"just weird?"
at this i thought he was gonna hit her, but he seemed to
catch himself and just breath out,
"nawh. you know. just onna those things."

so i guess that's why i hate thinking that my life is bad.
it can't be worse than the lady who punched me.
how could it?
i don't know...maybe her life is actually not as bad as it
seems, what the fuck do i know?
i just feel like a low-life. for my jealousy of kyle also
getting an interview, for this lawyer taking advantage of me
like this...just in general.
i feel like a douche in every respect.
it's sad, sometimes you just let a current take you down,
and with one as forceful as that of a law school program, if
you don't grasp onto a branch once in a while, haul yourself
out of the stream and examine yourself, you may not realize
just how much you may be sliding towards a worse version of
yourself.
i'm glad i got this moment to reflect. i'm glad for the
punch in the back. just something to knock some sense into
me. trampling around all over the place, running for some
stupid shit that i make out to be every god damned thing in
teh world just because people tell me, "you need a job."
fuck it.
i know i need a job. but not to the point that i'm
begrudging others and acting like a selfish, pompous,
god-damned self-entitled ass.

so it's times like these that i just have to put on "ball
and chain" by social distortion and think back. think back
to the person that i was, how i've changed, and think about
who i want to be in the future.
you can't just let the stream push you in whatever fucking
way it wants you to go...once in a while you just gotta pick
up a paddle and steer your own course.


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