Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2008-02-28 19:38:59 (UTC)

I'm calm..

So... it happened.

My good friend for 2 years and got close and yes, he was
thinking of asking me out. how cute. expect, it's not cute!

I don't want to date a good friend of mine. He's the best
thing in my life right now. We talk everyday and he knows me
so well! I don't want to ruin it by dating because I know
it's not going to work out. At least not now.

Him and I were talking last night about a guy and I started
saying stuff like, "he wanted to be more than friends, so i
backed away" "i'm not ready for another relationship". And
he just became quiet.

Is it really my fault?

He's the one that comes up with the nicknames, the whole 'i
miss you' 'i need you to hug me' comments. I never said shit!

Maybe I should let everyone know this.. he had a pretty
tough childhood, so when he gets really comfortable with
people he gets attached to them. So, that's why I didn't
think too much about it. I thought he was being attached to me.

I could have stopped it.

But no!

I reacted in the way that PROBABLY gave him the impression i
wanted to date him.

I didn't mean to.

I acted that way because I'm comfortable with him.

My two bestfriends are guys.

Yes, i hug them, hold their hands sometimes, especially when
we're in a club or a bar, they give me kisses of hello and
goodbye, we talk on the phone about our problems, i hold
their arm when we're walking. It's totally harmless.

That's what i had with this guy.

He's just young. He's a boy who still has a lot to learn. I
shouldn't even worry about it.

I guess in some way, age difference does matter.

What I see as being close and comfortable, he saw it as
being flirty and date worthy.

But he should have known better then that. He's known me for
2 years!!! I tell him about the guys i meet, my exes.

He's mad at me, i know it.

I'm not scared. I just don't want this friendship to end for

We have plans to go out tomorrow afternoon. I hope it's not
weird :S