blkdragon

grounded
2008-02-28 01:18:43 (UTC)

Blessings, gratitude and change

2/27--11:34AM--The soak didn't happen last night, the
movie that ~t referred to me was excellent, "Once". It was
good for so many reasons, too many to list, if a movie
moves me to being angry; it's good! I got good and angry
watching this one, the kind of movie where you talk to the
characters and ask them if they can't see what you're
seeing or if they have any idea what they're doing; what
they're risking? I listened to some of the music first,
that wasn't a good idea, it was heard out of context and I
wasn't crazy about the voices; I couldn't relate the
passion. The music only fit when watching the movie and
then I loved every song sung, this was the kind of movie
you view with a love, holding one another tenderly; being
thankful they're in your arms.
I've been thinking about how much I've taken for granted,
then I remembered the beginning of my relationship with
(the Vietnamese) Kim, how having her in my life allowed me
to touch on my gratitude for the benefits I enjoy; how the
mere ability to go to a library isn't a norm for the
majority of the planet. I had to touch on being grateful
for the ability to wash every day, for far too many on the
planet that's a luxury; even in this day and age. My
internet connection has been interrupted today, economics,
I'm still afforded access through my phone and there's
always the library; I need to get on my knees and humble
myself for the blessings I neglect to truly appreciate.
I'm guilty of having one hell of a bloated attitude about
the life I'm blessed to live, I'm in the process of
revising that!
I always thought the demise of Tech Valley would prove to
be a blessing in disguise, I'm planning to downsize
further, I'm getting rid of the second computer I own; the
one I inherited when Louisa died. Opulence has a way of
giving birth to arrogance, I never believed I'd be guilty
of such a thing, I have been; that has to change.
I had plans for my day, they had to be revised, the local
office of Labor Ready won't be open until after 3pm and
the career counselor I called probably won't return my
call until later in the afternoon, this all hinges on
whether or not the luxury of having a cell phone isn't
disturbed; due to an inability to handle the cost at the
moment.
I'm making it a point not to stress over not having
the "things" I've begun to take for granted,
transportation, communication and financial stability.
Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, society, economy,
technology; the availability of necessary resources and
yet we act as though these things will never be gone from
us. The "supposed" act of terrorism on 9/11 was the
beginning of America's wake up call, a wake up call for
people everywhere and yet we still choose the slumber of
imaginary security. There are still people in some parts
of the world that can move their entire lives in a bag the
size of a duffel, how can I continue to be comfortable
with this knowledge, my personal library wouldn't fit in
an oversized duffel; let alone the rest of my belongings.
I'm feeling that I haven't done enough to aid in the
betterment of humanity, not as long as there are still
people here that have nowhere to sleep or enough food to
eat, not as long as one child cries alone in the night;
not as long as one of the elderly dies unnoticed.
We become consumed with maintaining the status quo of our
lives, a selfish endeavor to be sure, especially if we're
not sharing our good fortunes; I am not happy with myself
right now. There was a time when I wouldn't give (what I
perceived to be) a "bum" change, I would think, "I have to
work for what I have; get a job!" I imagined that person
taking my money to buy alcohol, who am I to believe I
understand enough about the trials of anyone's life to
make that judgment call and yet I did! It didn't matter if
that person happened to be under the influence of alcohol,
perhaps my good deed would have been enough to send
him/her for food instead of another drink, my supposition
supported my arrogance; I can't do that anymore!
I know that we all hurt, we handle our personal pains in a
myriad of different ways, most of them involve causing
ourselves more pain; perhaps that one good deed would have
been the turning point that person needed at that moment
and I missed it, I don't plan to miss another one! I have
to rethink my views and restructure my actions, recognize
pain when I see it, give more of the bounties I've
received. Until now my life has been one improvement
after another, in most respects, through it all; I now see
that I haven't been sharing that bounty with those less
fortunate!
This is indeed a dark tunnel revealing light, my only hope
is that I never forget how I'm feeling and what I haven't
been doing, that I always keep fresh in mind what I need
yet to do.




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