I Debbie...
2008-02-23 00:47:28 (UTC)

So Disappointed

Sometimes I think he does it just to shake things up so we
can't get ahead. I could have quit my job houndreds of
times when I wasn't happy . There were times that I would
feel so alone and isolated and frustrated about this
teacher or that. Even now I have alot to do with our new
calander and trying to help Rose. But I haven't let down
my principles. And I haven't succomed to gripping and
moaning about what I can't control. Yah I know I am spread
thin sometimes but you get through it. Now I know he hates
inbound calls and wants to be just left alone to do his
job. But if his job is expanding then he needs to at least
try to accomplish what they are asking. Knowing him at the
meeting he was all brass and bulls. I'm not going to do
that yah de yah. Well they upped what they want from him.
That does sound screwey but he needs to just try. And I
can't tell him that because he will just say I am not
supporting him. Yah in a way thats true but because he
just doesn't want to accept change. He wants to have fun
and just do whatever without any one telling him
He is such a baby sometimes. No job is perfect. Here he
told me I need to stay at Kindercare, this was back last
summer or was it earlier...but anyway because I need to
have a better job record and here he goes wanting to look
for something because they are making him do more outbound
calls. Like boo-hoo. I have paper work out the wazzoo too.
Between the food program, our head count and our two other
sheets. Not to mention their daily sheets and our monthly
curriculum. But you find the time. If he has all these
meetings then find a way to make calls at other times.
This is about trying to make a deadline. They want to make
or keep sales and maybe they think that the reason sales
are coming back is because no one checks back with people.
Instead of pissing and moaning about why him then maybe
get ideas as to how you can accomplish it. Instead of
going into a meeting with the attitude of hell no not me
go into it as a learning attitude. But that would not be
him. He is such a baby about change. God forbid someone
puts alittle bit of stress on him that he doesn't deam
necessary or fair. He acts like a baby that fears
everything and all he wants to do is suck his little
bottle and chew on his teething ring. I have babies that
are better adaptable.
You see here is my other thing. Here is the trip coming up
to Italy. I know its in 09. If he deosn't have a job
that can't afford us the trip I don't want to go and be
stupid. This just smacks of trouble. It reminds me of our
trip to Santa Fe right after I got let go. Stupid stupid
stupid. Yeh lets use the credit cards so we get more into
debt because we didn't have the balls to tell his parents
we couldn't go. Good one.

Times like this I really wish I was married to Scott and
living on some army base with him. I have no idea if he
still would be dead or for how long but maybe my road
would be on a different path. One where I didn't have to
be scared at any given moment about something I couldn't
control. And of something that he could control but
chooses not to until he is in the middle of it. Like
heading for the "v" in a stream and realizing that while
his attention was elsewhere he was on a rock. You can try
to tilt your canoe off of it and you may scrape or tip.
Or wait for someone else to come along to bump you along.
Either way the person in the front or in my case middle of
the canoe can only watch and wait.

I Debbie
Have At It