Too Much Horseradish
i loves mah horseradish; i loves it so damn much that i
slather it on all of the sandwiches i make. but there's a
point when you just have TOO much horeradish. you feel it
creep through your sinuses, waft down your throat, and
eventually sicker into your lungs, grabbing a hold onto all
of the air trying to escape them, and sends you into a fit
of coughing seizures.
so it happened to me in the law library today. there i was
wheezing, half out of my chair, gasping for air, clutching
for my water. needless to say i captured quite an audience
wheezing, "oh god, oh my god!". then i resumed calmly to
take another bite of my sandwich.
and so it is with life. we eat it like a sandwich. nothing
out of the ordinary usually, just chew 30 times and swallow.
but once in a while there's just too much damn horseradish
on it and, for that split second that we're grasping to
anything feeling of sensibility, we can't help but
reevaluate the sandwich that we have made for ourselves.
thus it has been today. you see, i go by the American
History X motto; "life's just too short to waste it on
hate." there are a million better things to do with my
time, so i don't waste it conjuring up enemies in my mind
based upon hypothetical transgressions that i think they'd
pass upon me. however, there are two guys in my life for
whom i seem perfectly capable to carve out just a little
slice of my life to hate with all my heart.
these guys remind me of that joke about the spicegirls cd
that some comedian made who i can't remember. "spiceworld
has sold over 50 million copies and i can't find one
motherfucker to admit to buying that album!"
so it is with jason and mike. they are immensely popular
yet i can't seem to find anyone who would admit to liking
them. in fact, whenever i intimate my own disregard for
these two, the other is more than happy to chime in, as if
they were popping a zit that was aching on the side of their
first jason. he's an arrogant son of a bitch. just
straight up arrogant and there is no better word for him.
although he's no where near smart, he fancies himself a
genius. all through first year he told all of us how
important class rank was (as if he were the expert on it
since he worked at a law firm as a paralegal); well come the
first year class rankings and he did not find himself in the
desired positoin he proceeded to denigrate its significance.
furthermore, this only seemed to add to his insecurities.
throughout every class i've had with this guy he gets into
arguments with people. he becomes abruptly dismissive once
he cascades towards teh losing side and sometimes even
throws in some backhanded comments.
what's worse is that he talks shit about everybody TO
everybody. this i don't understand. if you have to talk
shit about people, wouldn't you at least narrow it to a
select few? aren't you worried that it will come back on
you? well it does and this of course leads me to the
weirdest part. even though people have confirmed to me that
jason is a shit for brains who talks smack about everyone, i
see those same people smiling and high-fiving with him.
i just don't get it. anyhow, he's just a smug asshole and
that's all i have to say about him.
the second guy is my favorite person to hate. i wrote about
him about a year ago. mike ran for SBA president last year
(you can read about it in the entry entitled "Never Miss a
Law School Event that Serves Alcohol") and got incredibly
wasted at the "Meet the Candidates" forum.
so wasted that he got belligerent during teh question
portion going so far as to make fun of some of the women's
worries in our law school that they may be the victim of rape.
as i re-read my entry from last year after having seen his
poster last week indicating that he was once again running
for SBA president, i saw that i concluded with the thought
of how anyone could act like that and get away with it.
well very simply. because the world lets them. instead of
hounding him out of my class today when he gave his
"campaign speech" people were clapping their hands like
where jason is a smug asshole this guy is about as fake as
you can get. he's teh PERFECT politician. he's always
friendly, but never in a, "i want to be your friend way" but
more of a "your vote will be very useful to me someday" way.
so anyhow, i was hating myself, the world, and mike for
forgiving past transgressions so easily when finally someone
today, along side the posters bearing mike's witty slogans
as to why he should be elected SBA president, were other
poster showing drunken college students passing out (and
doing various other unspeakable things), the slogan's on
these are, "get drunk and vote...the mike way!"
various other ones alluding to mike's incapacity for alcohol
and propensity for making a jackass out of himself were
plastered throughout our school.
rumor has it that whatever feminist society we have in our
law school was responsible due to their anger with him for
having made fun of women worrying about getting raped.
mike of course shrugged it off as if it were all a fucking
god, between the two of them i don't know who i dislike
more. the smug asshole who makes fun of people; or the fake
asshole who uses people.
but then again i guess that they are the horseradish of my
sandiwch of life. even with all the pain they put me
through, i feel like i need them sometimes, just to spice