daydream disbeliever

Mad Ramblings From a Blithering Idiot
2008-02-12 14:54:36 (UTC)

My Funny Valentine

Here I am again, five months later. I'm much more prolific
in my myspace blog, but this is where I come to wallow and
really let myself go. I'd forgotten again about this site,
but then I remembered it again and still retain the
password. Lucky me.

Two major changes in my existence (I still can't quite call
it a life): I couldn't deal with being completely alone in
a Petums-less world. I've finally come to terms that he's
gone and will never come back, though I still tear up when
I think about him. I loved that dog with as much
tenderness and motherliness (is that a word?) as any
human. So I do what I always do. I make a spur of the
moment, fly by the seat of my pants decision and adopt two
black cats. I am officially the chain smoking crazy cat
lady. All I lack is old age and that's something that time
will cure all too soon.

And I've done something I vowed I would never do again.
I've let myself fall for someone again. Really fall for
someone. I've not let him see all of my vulnerability,
because I'm not that stupid to ever do that again. That
only reaches out and slaps you in the face when you least
expect it. And I'm somewhat of a hypocrite as well. I
always thought and said that I couldn't date anyone younger
than myself. The kid's not even legal yet (he's 20). And
I'm the ripe old age of...no one's business. But I'm less
than thirty. He lets me be the child I always wanted to be
but couldn't and I think I'm an influence for good in his
life. He lets me know every day.

However, this is a long distance relationship. He lives in
my hometown and I'm two hours north. Just seeing him on
weekends and daily texts and phone calls are beginning to
be not enough. I don't want to be glued together at the hip-
I HATE those relationships and I've dumped the last four
men that tried those with me-but it hurts to come home
after a bad day with no one to hold me and help me feel
better. Of course, Edmund and the Captain do some good
(I've never encountered lovey-dovey cats before in my life,
and now I own two of them) but they can't converse. Pete
seemed to understand and let me cry on his little canine
shoulder. There I go again. Must...stop...doing this.

But anyhoo, I miss my boyfriend. I keep telling myself
that long distance is best for me since I've been out of
practice with relationships for so long (I look a nearly
two year sabbatical from them because I was so
disillusioned) but I never was a good liar.

K.