Ad 0:
2008-02-06 00:01:59 (UTC)


I don't know what the deal is. I am beginning to think it is
Everyone is to busy to give a damn.
Ryan is traveling, big brother won't answer. Brooke is
homeworking.. Mother is on the road.
No one is to be disturbed. Everyone is to busy.. I need to
stop looking for help anyway, and get a grip on myself. I
have class in 11 mins. and I need to get a grip.
I have slept many of the last 18 hours, and still crave more
I have been used by to many fools. I am now realizing what I
have let people do to me, I have been so stupid.
I should be really happy. I have the love of an amazing man.
Someone pointed out to me today that he isn't exactly stable
either - went from wanting to be a rockstar to a surgeon.
Can two unstable people make a successful relationship? On
one hand - we are good for eachother - we both understand
eachother pretty well. On the other hand - what happens when
one of us is going through a rough period? Will it send the
other off quilter?
I really only get off quilter once a month I am starting to
notice, other than that I am a pretty happy person. Do I
condemn someone else to live with this? I don't get mean -
just depressed. Can he really handle me? I don't know yet -
I know I love him even more and respect him even more for
I forgot that I was capable of loving so deeply. I don't
know if I ever have since Jowanza.
My mother begged me not to kiss Ryan when he comes this
weekend. She doesn't realize how serious we are though. She
doesn't realize the fact that we have talked about marriage.

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