DreamsLeavScars

The Only Half Mildly Dull Life Of Sara
2008-01-29 00:52:42 (UTC)

old yet same

i just found this diary site from a long time ago. it
reminds me of so many things. i have yet to go through it
and reread everything, but i know i will be doing that
tonight.
I dont think anyone i know reads this anymore.
Life has changed so much.
its been 5 years since i was last here.
So much to say.
I used to be a depressed child.
I now am no longer depressed because I have learned to
shut off emotion.
I have lived by these words for many years now. Whenever i
am feeling down i think of them. "People are only as happy
as they make their minds up to be." Lincoln
I learned to keep things inside.
I learned not to trust anyone, but give people a chance to
first gain it.
I dont deal with peoples shit anymore.
Buns to Love- if you read this. I dont know if i love you.
I love a fantasy of you, but you are no longer the same
girl i knew. And i dont think i am the same girl you knew.
I dont know if i love you or a frozen image of you from
the past. Sometimes i think that its not our time. Which
makes me wonder if it will ever be. Did i lose my chance
by trying to get closer to you by telling you how much of
an asshole i truely was? Was it even ment to be?
Whatever the case is, you made me happy during my
childhood. You showed me that there is more than just me
out there. You showed me that i am capable of loving. You
showed me i can be happy.
If we never get back together i am greatful to you for
everything you have done and showed me. Maybe that reason
is why i say i still care.
I dont know if we could ever even work out together if we
both were given a chance.
Right now, i am happy. I have a beautiful girlfriend who
loves me for me. I care for her a lot. We have a tendency
to get on each others nerves at times but something i
learned from the past is if you put effort into something
things will always work out.
We are very good for each other, and she holds me at night.
WHile my mind is still always turning, i learned to never
stop succeeding. The only person who can make you truly
happy is yourself. If you cannot make yourself happy you
dont deserve anyone.
I am happy. Whatever happens in my life i am greatful. To
the past, to the present, to the future.
wow... 5 years




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