nin137

The Troll

as much as i enjoyed puttering around for four weeks of
freedom i am at least somewhat glad to be back in law
school. one of the reasons i'm glad to be back is that,
what with all my bitching about how ass-holish law students
are, they are also quite entertaining.
this semester i have the good fortune of having "The Troll"
in one of my classes. the troll is this short girl. she's
of the kind of proportions where she's not really fat, but
she definiteliy shouldn't be wearing anything smaller than a
shower curtain. essentially she is the "muffin top" in
persona. she's hideous not only physically but also
personality wise (lest you admonish me for being too
shallow). my first encoutner with the troll was during my
volunteer service for translation services (yeah i still
volunteer).
she and i were placed in the same group in which we had the
mundane task of introducing our country of origin and what
language skills we brought to the table.
after i introduced myself as being from austria she quickly
responded..."german huh? only thing i know about those
people is through their airlines...efficient service."
and so it actually went through everyone, "spanish huh?
you're from mexico? don't they speak mexican? no? ah,
whatever."
simply charming.
so with her flattering flair for conversation and her
heinously hideous visage you may be asking yourself, "in
what bathroom stall does she normally eat her lunch?"
well actually she has two friends.

now these two friends are phenomenally hot. but not only
are they really hot, they are also super-nice. in fact,
they appear to be so nice that they seem incapable of
telling the troll to leave them alone, although at times
i've definitely detected a thorough revulsion from the two
of them for some of the troll's candid observations.
the two smoking hot chicks are of course beset by the
problem that apparently all smoking hot, non-married (and
even some married) girls are subject to.
the creeper.
let's call the creeper matt, cos that's his name. matt is
your typical frat guy. the weird type of fat yet muscular
at the same time. over-sized head, over-laughs at jokes,
and constantly, i mean constantly latches on to the hot
girls in any way possible. be it a casual throw of his arm
over one of their shoulders. a "joshing" shove and then
immediate bear hug (this one is kind of interesting to see
played out, it reminds me of Scorpion in Mortal Kombat -
"Get over here!"). or just a good old fashioned grope.
of course matt suffers from two ironies that would make
Shakespeare salivate. first and foremost, whenever he sees
a picture of himself with them he will quickly joke about
how he looks "creepy".
"jeez, i look like i'm skeezing on you." he kept on saying
all the damned way through federal income tax yesterday as
they were browsing their facebook pictures.
funny enough, his observations don't just extend to himself
but also to animals and inanimate objects,
"jeez, that dolphin looks like he's trying something fishy!"
(i nearly socked him in the face for that last horrible pun)
or
"man i don't know what that tree was thinking with his
branch all over you."
anyhow. either he truly feels insecure or matt is the
victim of a cruel god of irony constantly laughing at him.

the second portion of shakespearean irony involving matt is
the fact that he HATES to have physical contact with the
troll (not that i blame him). so he almost works in
commando like style. he'll flirt and fawn all over the two
hot girls and employ every evasive maneuver in the book to
shirk any sort of contact with the troll.
when the troll is successfully in laying a hand upon him, he
instantly recoils, of cousre using some lame as joke like,
"be careful now girl, i don't wanna burn you, cos i'm hot."
anyhow, it's extremely interesting to see matt's dance of
death with the troll just so that he can allay his sexual
frustration through heavy-petting and unwanted touching.
in fact, judging by the way the two girls appreciate matt's
"company" but don't seem nearly enamored enough to strike up
some sort of "romantic" relationship i wonder if and if so,
how many times, matt had to take home the troll as his
consolation prize.

anyhow, witnessing ole matt skeezing like crazy i can only
say that i'd hate to be a girl. like when i go out with
juli to clubs i notice that any girl that isn't attached to
a guy is instantly groped. for some reason that really
pisses me off, not to sound all feminist like but it really
is demeaning, i can't really imagine having to deal with
that shit when i'm trying to go out and just have fun.
this guy is the embodiment of those douchebags, i mean for
crying otu loud, he does it in federal income tax at 2 in
the afternoon! i can only imagine what he's like after 7
beers at 11 o'clock at night.
or i don't know. maybe the girls like the attention, i mean
why else would they hang out with him? maybe because
they're too nice to tell him to fuck off. it's suprrisingly
hard to tell someone to just leave you alone, as i've found
in the past.