Jonathan

Random (boring) Thoughts
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2008-01-18 05:27:10 (UTC)

Chocolate flavored barf

When it comes to candy, I'll pretty much try anything
once...especially if there's chocolate involved (being
allergic to chocolate for the first 18 years of my life
has made me as much a chocoholic as a menopausal female).

Generally speaking, I don't get myself into much trouble
over this habit of experimentation. However, on rare
occasion, things go horribly wrong. Today was one of those
days.

I should have trusted my instincts and avoided the new
chocolate flavored skittles that I saw in the vending
machine at a rest stop in Vermont. Curiosity got the
better of me, though, and I purchased a package.

My initial excitement about the new product quickly turned
to despair when the logical side of my brain decided that
there was almost no chance that this was going to be a
good experience. By the time I got to my car, I was
lamenting to myself, "What have I done?"

As it turns out, my logical side was right. Chocolate
skittles are hard-shelled gummy candies with the same
consistency as regular skittles. They come in five
flavors: Brownie Batter, Chocolate Pudding, Chocolate
Caramel, S'More, and Vanilla. And in case you were
wondering, they're even more terrible than they sound.

Despite being sweeter than a packet of Splenda, they
tasted like a partially digested tootsie roll crossed with
a 5 year old butterscotch that you found under a sofa
cushion at your local homeless shelter. I'm pretty sure
the hard candy shell cut the roof of my mouth, leaving a
pleasant aftertaste of vanilla, artificial coloring, and
human blood.

All kidding aside, I literally had to stop eating them a
third of the way through the bag for fear of barfing a
chocoltey rainbow all over interstate 91. To be honest,
they couldn't be any worse if you dipped original fruit
skittles in chocolate and served them on top of peach ice
cream.

I don't know who the hell is running the R&D department
over at Skittles, Inc., but I think it's safe to say that
they might be accepting applications. I can't imagine
anyone keeping their job after putting a product like that
on the market.

On the other hand, if you're ever in the market for chewy,
chocolate flavored, vomit inducing rest-stop candy, give
Chocolate Skittles a try. Skittles: taste the rainbow...of
chocolaty barf.


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