blkdragon

grounded
2008-01-07 05:45:22 (UTC)

Last ditch effort

1/5--11:40AM--Made my deposits, kept a bit of cash, called
the TW to inquire about the cost of brake pads; I may see if
Lamont wants to make the money installing them. I got to
the PO and found that I didn't bring Lynne's address with
me,I tried calling her and should have known better, I sent
a text to get her address and she instantly worried that
something might be wrong; I have no idea why her alarm was
set off. I'm feeling pretty good right now, she'll get a
surprise in the mail and (hopefully) it won't overwhelm her,
I probably love her for all the reasons she may not love
herself; it's no crime to be compassionate and thoughtful.
Lynne is both of these things and more, but the darkness
that overcomes us at times makes the light much brighter.
I haven't heard anything from Ekaterina in a while, I think
it's time to leave that chapter. I just learned that Koss,
makers of my headphones, have a lifetime (no questions
asked) warranty; that's confidence!
4:22PM--Haven't seen Charles since I left for work yesterday
morning, if I have to buy headphones tonight I'll be very
upset, I've already pulled his bag out; I'm sure he'll have
a story to tell me about the drug program at the Mission. If
he'd spoken to whomever he mentioned to me he'd be in the
program at this moment, looks like he'll be leaving in the
morning, c'est la vie!
1/5--11:11PM--Still no Charles, two days, gotta let it go.
Lynne called while I was at the rink, she replied to my
diary and admonished me about the money I'd sent, she knew
that wouldn't do any good; maybe if I hadn't been skating
she'd have given me what for. Maybe she thought I'd ask if I
could send it, that's funny. I dropped a lot of angst on the
floor tonight, we went toe to toe, the floor did better than
I; it dropped me right away. I fell as soon as I got
started, can't remember that ever happening before, I got up
and dusted myself off, then it was on; I'd find myself
growling at the floor from time to time. I was working hard,
think I may have strained some things, probably my left calf
and Achilles; I'll have to work on pivoting to my right to
balance things out.
Charlotte called, after Lynne, I wasn't in the mood to talk
with her and she didn't leave a message; I didn't even want
to pick up to tell her that I'd call her later because I
don't want to call her at all. I don't mind the occasional
call, I don't want to make a habit of taking her calls
because she'll try to lead it to something that I'm not
allowing to happen; I also don't want to hear about her
troubles with Billy. Charlotte put herself in that
situation, I'm not abandoning her, I just don't want to take
part in the drama; if she wanted to talk about something
else it would be different. I also don't want to discuss
Charles with Charlotte, I'm not asking for her advice, her
judgment is suspect; that would only leave one thing for us
to discuss and I'm not opening that door.
Neither Hanifa nor Lisa skated tonight, I was thankful for
the peace, a kid that I don't really like began shadowing
me; when I spotted him I told him to beat it and then the
skate guard stopped him. I'm allowed to do a modicum of
speed, I have enough presence to anticipate problems and I
can stop without risking anyone. I was asked, by a
counselor, to skate with some pregnant woman; I told him
that I would, she and I didn't get 10 feet before she turned
to go back to the sidelines. I was really trying to exhaust
myself, Cassandra skated tonight, I saw her with some of her
little friends; I had to speak to her because she wasn't
paying enough attention to keep safe, I saw her Father on my
way out.
Skip (the owner) mentioned the fact that "my girlfriend" is
pretty, he was surprised to find that she isn't my
girlfriend, although we are friends and she's a girl; I told
him that she's married.
My drive home was leisurely and I think I'll do a bit of
meditating before sleep, I'm planning to do one hell of a
load of laundry tomorrow.




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