chicken little

Nicole, it's what's for dinner.
2007-12-30 08:49:47 (UTC)

more tears

so we saw you last night at hss
it was a nice chat, not awkward or anything
it was good to see both of you actually
but you seemed distant
like you didn't know how to be around me
and that upset me
i don't know if i expect you to be more comfortable
or how you used to be
but i miss you as my friend so much it hurts
sometimes i am swallowed by this sadness
and i cannot escape
and i just cry and feel like it will never go away

i still feel like you are the one
like it will never be better than it was with you
like i will never find someone else who will make me as happy
and that is not fair
and it is scary
i don't like feeling like i have missed my chance at happiness

do you know how much that sucks?
you probably don't
you pretty much replaced me right away
now you are playing house with her

i know you two will break up
its just a matter of time
but i feel like no matter how hard i try
i will always be waiting for you
in the back of my head
hoping
wishing
wanting
and it sucks

you will always have my heart
maybe i don't want to let it go
but it sure feels like i cannot
it hurts so bad though

i still think of you everyday
every fucking day
every time i have sex
whenever i watch friends
even when i go to target

i miss just being with you
laughing with you
i miss your smell
your soft hair
your kiss
i still remember everything about you
you know?

i so badly want another chance
now i am out
and i am getting my career
and i want to share my life with you
but you don't want me
and i cannot tell you how much that hurts me

i don't even know if it would ever be good again
or feel right
maybe too much has happened and




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