Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2007-12-24 07:27:17 (UTC)

MotherBitch

So.... I was on my cell around 11pm and my mother starts
knocking on the door like a psycho. Me, being on my cell
got worried, I don't want the person on the phone knowing
what a psycho mother I have. So, I opened the door and she
starts questioning me. Where did you go at 7? who were you
with? why were you home at 10:30? She was asking me as
though I did something wrong!!!! WHY!!! I was being
truthful! I went out for a coffee with my friends, like I do
EVERY sunday night. Then I went out for dinner with my friend!

THEN... she starts asking me who am I on the phone with!
Telling me if it's that drug addict that she's going to tell
him off and that I'm going to get a beating!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER?!

no, I wasn't talking to the drug addict, I changed my cell
number so he wouldn't contact me, she knows that, yet she
still thinks like that?! WHY??!!!! WHY WOULD I SPEND MY
MONEY ON CHANGING MY CELL NUMBER!!!


why does my mother always expect me to do something wrong?
she thinks everything from my mouth is a lie? I never lie to
my mother. I say the truth and she doesn't believe me, I lie
and she doesn't believe me. WHAT THE FUCK!


I'm almost 21 years old, I pay my own cell bill, my mother
and I are close, yet sometimes I don't think she know who I
am. I'm just so mad at her. It's like I can't be on my cell
anymore unless I'm on the phone with someone she knows!
WHERE IS MY PRIVACY! I'M SOOOO MAD AT HER!


So now tomorrow morning my mom is going to be the biggest
bitch to me for whatever the reason.


I'm so scared though. Who do I tell my mother I was phone
the phone with? Who ever I say, she won't believe me because
she kept asking me over and over and over again and I
wouldn't respond. I told her it was none of her business and
she get me the look of "I know your fuckin lying to me and
you talking on the phone with someone I don't know about".


Which is true. I was on phone with Paulo at the time. But I
can't tell her that! She threatened me to NOT date anymore
until I'm done school. UGH

SEE THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING HATE ABOUT HER, SHE NEEDS TO
CONTROL EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ASPECT OF MY
LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


EVERYHING FROM MY UNDERWEARS TO MY SHIRTS TO MY FAKE
JEWELLERY TO MY SHOES TO MY FRIENDS, SCHOOL, MY ROOM, MY
HAIR, MY MAKE UP, MY JOB, MY CELL, MY BOYFRIEND!!!! SHE
NEEDS TO KNOW EVERYTHING SINGLE FUCKING THING IN MY LIFE!!!!!


FUCK, like, I feel so angry inside toward my mother. My
mother's love can be so poisonous. I'm seeing that towards
my own mother. I filter everything she tells me.

I don't lie to my mother. I say little white harmless lies.
Nothing major. I don't know. I'm just so upset at her for
the way she's acting.


You know, I really dislike the fact at my mother's
bestfriend is a psychic, because like, it's like she's
cheating motherhood, cheating life. She comes to know
EVERYTHING and I hate it. I can't do what I wanted to do
because that was always on the back of my mind. But, I'm
older now. BUT I'M SO MAD!

SHE CAME INTO MY ROOM AND DEMANDED TO KNOW WHO I WAS ON THE
PHONE WITH! It's not like I was talking about anything
unappropriated! Why?

Oh diary, I wish you could answer my questions.

Why does my mom always behave in manner that makes me think
she never trusted me. It breaks my heart. I never did
anything wrong to my parents. Never. Yet, it's like they
are expecting something, their waiting for a moment when I
fuck up badly. I'm not. I love my parents.


My dad was upset at me for not informing him that I changed
my cell number. That was an honest mistake.
Last night he called when I was at my friend's party, then
he asked me in a grumpy tone of voice if I changed my
friends. what is he talking about!? I'm soooo clueless!
My mom tells me dad and she doesn't know what the fuck she's
saying!


What do I do?


I told my mom I'm going to cancel my cell, but she didn't
want me to. I changed my cell number on my own will. I
didn't discuss it with her. I did it because it was
something I wanted to do to avoid the druggy to contact me.
why would I give him my cell number? where's the logic in
that? WHERE?!!!!


I'm going to bed. I need to pray.




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