supergoddess

This diary is my kief,hashish,&opium pip
2007-12-22 17:34:02 (UTC)

i hate my fucking psych

I hate having dreams like this, because they throw in my
face what is already obvious to me.

(dream last night)

Me, Dj, Megan, and a bunch of our other friends were
walking somewhere to go hang out.

We were all talking like we usually do, I guess about me
kissing people. and Dj said "while we're talking about
kissing people, make sure not to kiss my girlfriend in
Bosnia"

"I'll be sure to make a mental note of it" I said,
sarcastically, and we kept walking.

"Good, cause I don't want you kissing her"

He stared at me as if he knew everything, how weak I was,
how much I loved him.

In my dream I actually believed that he had a girlfriend
in Bosnia, and assumed they had some kind of internet-love.

I was walking behind him, and after a few minutes of
walking I wrapped my arms around his waist and started
feeling his chest and stomach.

He didn't push me away but he didn't pull me closer.

Everything went blank, and then we were in a car with Dj's
family and I was smoking, and still upset.

(end)

Then I woke up.


I hate these dreams and I don't know why I have them. I
think my mind is torturing me. In any of my dreams, he
either REALLY doesn't want me or REALLY wants me.

And it sucks every time.

When he wants me in my dreams, I wake up and realize it
isn't real.

When he doesn't want me in my dreams, it's like re-living
reality, and it makes me paranoid to pursue him because I
think he's going to hate me.




Ad: