Middle Child

Listen. Don't Speak.
2007-12-14 16:42:56 (UTC)


So, I went out last night again with my high school friend.
I really didn't want to, but I figured, whatever it's not
going to be for a long time. So i went. My mom was pretty
upset at me for hanging out with him again. My mom found out
some stuff about him. But honestly, I would not date him!
UGHHH!! she makes me so mad. She's like I dont want you to
date anyone and I don't want you to think he's going to be
your boyfriend. Ugh, I would never degrade myself to dating
such a guy! I feel as though my own mother doesn't know me!
I'm in university for a reason, to educate myself, go
somewhere in life and to also meet an intelligent guy. I
would not throw everything in the garbage just to date him.
I would be sooo unhappy with myself. She doesn't understand

This morning my mom wouldn't even talk to me or look at me.
She's mad at me for something. But I don't know why and I
don't know what she knows about this guy. She said i'm
going to change if I still hang out with him. Would I? Nah.
I could never put my parents through that again. I dont want
them to suffer for me and I don't want my life to go in the
shit whole. Atleast I'm not hanging out with other people,
it's just him. right? I'm getting nervous just thinking
about it. I know what my mom has to tell isn't going to be

See, my mother is the type of parent who would not think her
kids are angels. Some parents would defend their child, even
though they know their child did something wrong. Nope. Not
my mother. That's why she always thinks the worse of us.

I'm not ready to hear what she has to say. I know that he
isn't a good kid. But I know deep down instead he has
problems and he is a good kid? He just went through a lot of
shit in the past 2 years. Is it wrong to look past that?
According to my mom it is. She doesn't ever want me to see
him again. We'll see what happens. I don't plan on seeing
him anytime soon. I didn't even want to see him last night,
but we chilled for an hour.

What is going on with me? Am I changing? Or is it just that
I have all this free time that I'm going out with friends
and having fun? Whatever it is, I'm not happy. I cancelled
my clubbing plans for tomorrow night. I hate my eyebrows,
they make me look like a bad kid. I want to change my
number so no one can contact me anymore. I think I might
just do that. That's the key. In about a week, I'm going
to change my number and I'm going to tell those that I
cancelled my phone plan. YAY! Problem solved.

I'm not a bad person. I'm just a young adult trying to find
myself, trying to see what's out there, living my life but
experiencing wrong things and good things. I don't want to
live an innocent life and I'm not. I have my fun, but
nothing that could put me in danger. I'm not a risky person.

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