blkdragon

grounded
2007-12-01 15:08:02 (UTC)

Begin the beguine

11/28/07--10:27PM--Today's Horoscope: If you sense that
things are getting started with someone special, you are
right! Something slinky raises the temperature considerably.
Part of you scoffs at this old tactic, but once you see your
sweetheart's face, you'll realize that there's a lot of
truth in those romantic cliche's. Va-va-voom!
I can't seem to wake when the alarm goes off, had a decent,
peaceful day. More importantly, I was looking forward to
getting mail from Ekaterina, she sent it while I was working
on the computer, she also sent more pictures and they're
always lovely. I'm hopeful and realistic, tomorrow is
promised to no one and regardless of my desires and plans,
all things are subject to the winds of chance and God!
11/29/07--10:04PM-- I got home an hour ago, I got to the
rink tonight and noticed Patty's car in the parking lot, I
didn't bother going to say hi; I parked and began reading. I
noticed when she went into the rink, she passed my car
without saying hi, she sensed I wasn't in the mood to talk
with her. I went inside the rink after everyone had paid, as
I passed her and Mike, she attempted to be witty, "long time
no see"; I said, "really" and chose not to sit with them.
I'd seen Patty on Tuesday and wasn't in the mood to speak
with her then either, Mike attempted to shadow me tonight,
when I accelerated my footwork he knew that I wasn't going
to do any speed, I don't need anyone else for motivation,
Mike can do speed alone but it's easier for him to follow in
another's downdraft; he would do that to Patty and then he
tried it with the "ice" skater, she veered off to discourage
him.
Sheridan arrived, when he hit the floor he made his way to
me to be seen, I'd barely lift my head to note his passing
and he got the message; I'd rarely lift my eyes off the
floor. I don't go to the rink to watch what others are doing
and I don't go to be watched, I do notice others and I am
watched, I generally ignore the watchers; unless they're
children and I give them a smile of encouragement.
The (ice) skaters came tonight, the man began concentrating
on a man helping his Son skate, the little boy wasn't paying
any attention to the skater, he wouldn't take his eyes off
me and the skater pointed to me and told the little boy that
I was the best; I smiled at the little boy and continued
skating as though the skater hadn't spoken. When the skater
and his Wife skate, she's the one in control, she's very
demanding and intolerant of his inabilities; she wants him
to compliment her style and he's incapable.
The skater will get discouraged and encourage his Wife to
skate alone, he tries to be everything she wants, but he's
skating for the wrong reasons and that's why he can't
achieve his goal; skating is a task for him, not a joy.
Skating is many things for the Wife, she wants to be able to
flow with her Husband, his inability seems to suggest that
she may have made the wrong choice and now she's committed.
She should be more considerate and tolerant of her Husband's
abilities, she should get him to enjoy skating with her and
they'd both progress, skating is also her way of being seen
and she very much wants to be noticed; it seems these two
came together as a result of their insecurities and
inadequacies.
Before the end of the night, I went to the baby rink to get
away from everyone, a few skaters would come near and I
would feel them before seeing them; they'd leave shortly!
One woman that hasn't been to the rink in months, saw that I
was there and came across the rink to skate near me she
wanted to be noticed and I didn't feel a need to explain to
her that I wasn't trying to have any conversations with
anyone; she'd leave the area and return later. When she
returned, my attitude hadn't changed and I noticed that
Patty (as she skated by with Mike) paid particular attention
to whether or not I struck up a conversation with the woman,
I didn't and I'm not playing Patty's game either; why should
she care whom I talk with? Perhaps Patty was feeling a tinge
of jealousy, or propriety and yet she continues to act as
though she's not interested in me, she made a point to wear
those pants I find her sexy in; she also made a point to
skate directly in my line of sight more than once.
The woman (I mentioned) wasn't getting the message, she also
wasn't speaking to me, if you want to talk to me you should
open your mouth; I guess she wanted me to believe any
discussion we would have would be my idea or perhaps she
wanted to feel pursued? I quickly got tired of this woman's
game as well, I hit the floor and headed straight for my
locker, I grabbed my bag and began changing to leave,
normally Sheridan would see this as an opportunity and buzz
close enough for me to feel the breeze from his passing, he
knew that wouldn't be the best idea he'd have last night, I
can only imagine how I appeared to everyone and I really
didn't care. It is very rare that I leave the rink before
Patty, she'd get to watch me exit.
I had put the pictures Ekaterina sent onto my phone, I'd
look at them when I found myself bothered and disturbed!
When I'm working and I look up to scan the area, I generally
find Paul-ine looking at me, (in fact) he looks at everyone
because he believes everyone's watching him, we do watch him
because he's fucked-up; whatever drugs (Cocaine probably)
he's doing make him paranoid. He's asked Jim why he's so
popular (Jim) and told him that he believes everyone's
watching him, Jim told me that Paul-ine's watching everyone
to see if they're watching him and that's paranoiac
behavior. After Jim mentioned his conversation with Paul-ine
to me he thought he should speak to Paul-ine about his
paranoia, I have no idea how that discussion played out.
I didn't go to work on Tuesday, there was a discussion about
changing the schedules on both K webs, one crew M-T and the
other T-F; everyone wanted the M-T. Greg played the
seniority card and almost got away with it until Jim
mentioned that I have seniority over everyone in the press
rooms, I've been with the company for 9 years, that shut
Greg up. Greg, Jimmie and Frank carpool, Jimmie works with
Jim and I; if the schedules changed Jimmie would have to go
to work on Frank's press and he believes working with Frank
would probably drive him to alcoholism.
Jim's concerns were about adding Paul-ine to our crew, I
asked how long he'd think that would last without one of us
killing Paul-ine, most would assume/conclude that I would be
the one to finish him. On further consideration, Jim and I
agreed that he (Jim) would probably be the most likely
candidate to kill Paul-ine, when I have problems with
Paul-ine I address them immediately; Jim ignores whatever
problems he's having with everyone and that makes him the
prime candidate for an emotional explosion. Jim is popular
with everyone because he goes out of his way to be liked by
everyone and has no clue that most people don't care much
for him.
Frank stayed in Paul-ine's ass all day yesterday, before the
day would end Paul-ine would make comments about things I
was doing that he didn't like, my eating my lunch behind
Greg while he worked; eventually I'd ask Paul-ine if there
were something he wanted to say to Me, he didn't respond.
Paul-ine is easily aggravated by gossip and the actions of
others and I aggravate him when I'm feeling devilish. Jim
would ask him if he were planning to watch the football game
that night, Paul-ine went on to mention something about the
amount of money the players make and the fact that he's not
making that kind of money and he'd only care about the
football game if he were actually playing the game, Jim's
impression of that diatribe had me clutching myself in
hysteria. Jim started speaking matter of fact-ly, raising
his voice and tempo in ever increasing increments and never
fully reaching the level of sound necessary to get the
listener to understand, (all the while) clenching every
muscle and speaking through gritted teeth; I could actually
envision Paul-ine just that way, maniacally frantic.
When I got home last night, I sat in my car to compose
myself and found that I was looking up the street for signs
of Charles, I gathered my things and headed into my
apartment; I went into my office and turned on the computer.
I had no mail from Ekaterina and I began my diary entry, not
long after beginning I realized that I was tired, I'd
stopped at McDonald's on my way home; I ate the fries while
I drove. I noticed, while in line at McDonald's, that one of
my headlights had blown; I'll have to take care of that
today. I need to register my car as well, I got a call from
the lawyer's office, I'd neglected to tell them that I'd
moved; I could have sworn that I'd called them a year ago.
The woman from the Law office informed me that they mailed
paperwork to my prior address, I gave her the new and am now
waiting for that mail to reach me.
6:32PM--I just got off the phone with an AT&T rep, my cell
account, asking about the cost of international calls from
my mobile; I thought I'd be able to use the 4000 minutes I
have available. I won't be able to make those calls without
inferring the actual cost, my reps name was Ashley and I
heard from her inflections that she was African American and
I inquired, Ashley told me that she was indeed of African
descent and that she has a Sister named Natasha; I became
even more intrigued. I asked Ashley if it was odd growing up
with that name, being that the average Ashley is Caucasian
(of the Caucus Mountains in Asia- hence Caucasians), she
told me that although it was a bit odd, she didn't have any
problems and that she loves her name; I told her that I love
the name as well and remarked how special it must be for her
Sister to be named Natasha (Natacha), Ashley agreed with me.
I went on to tell her that I was glad for she and her
Sister, ,mentioning the fact that the world needs to step
away from the self-imposed restrictions of gender-location
and heritage, she agreed and we bid each other a pleasant night.
I've been getting calls from the 518 area, probably Charles
and he's not leaving any messages, he's also not getting to
talk to me because I'm not assuming that those calls are
from him; he'll learn the right way to do things sooner or
later and it won't have anything to do with what he wants.
I opened my utility bill, $271 and it wouldn't be that high
if Charles either hadn't been here or had a job, no need for
much heat in an empty apartment; I'm only home for the day
on (maybe) 3 out of 7 days.




Ad: