Middle Child

no sleep

The past few days I've been going to bed around 1am and
sometimes i would wake up in the middle of the night and
then i wake up in the morning and i'm all grumpy and sore
and tired. *breaths* I think I hate my bed. I wake up
all sore and i'm not stressed! I don't know what it is. I
just get all lonely and sad when it's time to go to sleep.
Everyone in my house is sleeping. I want company, but who?
My little bro is too annoying. Oh well, I'll have to get
into studying mode starting tomorrow morning after I clean
my room and bake. Then I'll start getting ready for stupid
work. Hmmm what should I wear to work tomorrow? And should I
go out saturday night with everyone. AHHHH. I don't think
so. I distinctly remember me having the same argument with
myself a few weeks ago. Where did I go? Oh, the Good-Bye
party and I went. I won't go this saturday. I need to make a
sacrifice and it's going to start today....er, tomorrow.

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!

I can't fail anymore, I honestly can't. Why do I keep
failing???? AHHHHHHHH

I can't think about this anymore.

Eric apparently texted me around lunch time and i didn't
receive it!!!! Ahhhhhh! Then stupid kid keeps fuckin'
calling meeeee ahhhhh. After the 2nd time I don't pick
up...dude, fuckin give up already. And as for anthony, I
think he may have another chick and he stopped talking to
me. SUCCESS! I think he got the hint when I told him to
promise he won't act inappropriate with him and how I hope
he respects me belifs. blah blah, ever since then, we hardly
speak, unless my cell isn't receiving all of the texts! ARG.
that's ok, it's allllll good! It's what I wanted and it's
going to take time...for far...3 are down...eric to go?
Really? Do I really want to get rid of eric? There is
absolutely nothing wrong with him, except that he likes to
be on the move and I can't really see myself marring him,
just being in a long term relationship. He's good to me.
Whatever, we always loose touch, but always manage to get
back where we left off. So, i'm not too worried about him =)

I don't want to sleeeeeeeep. why?! Was it because I took a
nap?! UGH! I feel like an emptiness inside. I want my
parents to be awake, little brother on the comp and dad in
the kitchen making sandwiches. I think I'm afraid to not
have a guy talking to me??? OMG!!!!! CAN IT BE? Nooooo, nooo
I can't let it drain me, it's what I wanted!!! I'll feel
better once their all gone. disappeared. Then I'll look or
naaahhh, peak around me :) I think I'm going to go pray
before going to sleep. nite nite!