Get the fuck up! Subway headaches and Law Library Carnage
juli and i complained this past weekend that noone on the
bus seems to get the fuck up for the elderly or say pregnant
women with strollers and two screaming toddlers hanging over
her swollen belly.
this morning god decided to fuck with me and send me a short
bus. that's right, the kind that the retards get. i hate
the short bus because it's not NEARLY big enough to
accomodate the passenger load in the morning rush.
i get on at a stop where there are still a bunch of free
seats but normally i get up halfway through the journey to
give up my seat. in fact i make it a point to sit up front
because that's where the senior citizens normally sit and i
figured this way they're assured a seat.
so after about midway through the bus is packed, i'm staring
at some girls fat ass and another dude's genitalia
uncomfortably close to my right ear. on gets an elderly man
(i don't gender discriminate) so i quickly jumped up and was
offering the seat as the girl whose fat ass i had just
stared at borrowed in squealing, "yay a free seat!"
i stared transfixed at this bitch. then she noticed the
elderly guy who had already turned and was making his way
down to the seat.
"that seat was meant for him." i said jerking my head
towards him. the guy who was making his way down abruptly
stopped, saw the girl in his seat and started flustering,
"oh no, no, that's quite alright, the lady can have my seat."
"no, that's okay i can get up." the piggy girl said making
absolutely no movement to indicate that she was sincere.
so i'm at subway and for some reason i don't get along well
with subway employees. from them accussing me of gaming
their subway stamp system (i wasn't) to charging me $60
instead of $6 for a sub, to today's latest guffaw. i got an
oven roasted chicken breast sub. they normally nuke the
chicken as they prepare the veggies and cheese. then for
some unknown reason they don't put the chicken into the sub
after taking it out of the microwave. this led to the
mind-bogglingly stupid scenario that happened today. as
subway appears to be a big fan of assembly line processing
there is one lady at the end of the line who actually wraps
the subs (seriously how many people need to be in a subway
assembly line by the way? 3? at most? there were 7 today
including the cashier!). you'd think that wrapping the subs
is the least demanding of all the processes. nope. she
wrapped my chicken in a separate wrapper. then the cashier
actually asks me,
"will the chicken breast be all today?"
i should have said 'yes' and am now kicking myself for not
having done so, just to see how she would ring that one up.
then began a 2 minute explanation to the wrapper that she
needed to take the meat out and put it into the sub.
but now my favorite subject. oh man this one was great. so
i'm sitting in the law library eating my sub just reading
some of bill simmons' column, when i hear a phone ring, "oh
shit, i thought, someone done fucked up."
i expected it to quickly get shut down to the increasing
murmur of disgruntled law students.
it didn't. then i realized why. it was in one of the
backpacks from one of the jackasses who "saves" themselves a
i HATE these guys. they throw their shit down just to claim
the desk, spend maybe 30 minutes at it all day.
5 rings into it i hear someone yell, "shut that thing the
then around the corner came this dude i know from one of my
classes who's pretty cool. he looked pissed (and rightly
so). then he started doing what i wouldn't have done. he
started rummaging through the person's backpack to find the
"you sure you want to do that?" i whispered.
"got to," he said with the grim determination of a bomb
defuser, "it'll keep on ringing to say there's a missed call."
yep it did.
so he's rummaging through the backpack, when, as luck would
have it, the offending person comes back. it's this girl
who's sucking on what appears to be a slurpee.
here eyes bug out of her fucking head as she sees him going
through her shit.
"what are you doing!"
"your phone has been going off and i'm gonna turn it off for
you since you don't seem capable of doing it."
"oh my god, get out of my bag!"
"turn off your phone!"
i love law school.